Is it over yet?

We have now lived in Guam for 9 months. It has been interesting. I would say I liked it at first, but now I am soooo ready to leave. It is hot here every day. Hot and humid. There's never a time when we can open the windows and let a nice breeze in because, even if there is a breeze, it doesn't cool us down. The air is on all the time. Thankfully we have air, otherwise, I may not have survived this long. Yes, I know, I'm dramatic. I don't go to the beach very often because it's too much work with 2 kids. If Evan was walking, I might go more often. Plus, Ryan works all the time, and when he is off, he's so tired, he tries to catch up on his sleep. There's no Target here. When I'm looking for things, like stuff to decorate Evan's room, I can't find anything. The stores here just don't cut it. It's very depressing. I really don't ever leave my house unless I have to. The only time I have to leave the house is if I need to go to the store. When I do grocery shop, I try to stock up to avoid frequent trips to the store. Ryan and I are counting down the days until we get to leave this little island and head back home to family and friends. Less than a year left. It feels good to be able to say that. I used to say a year and a half. It still seems far away, but I know it's closer than it was when we first moved here.

Pretty much all of August, Ryan has been out to sea. He came in once a week and half ago. We saw him for an hour. Then his boat pulled in again a couple of days ago. So we got to spend a couple of days together. He leaves again today. Their email hasn't been working, so we had absolutely no  contact. It's worse for him because they're under the water. They are truly cut off from the rest of the world. It sucks because I sit and worry about him. I wonder how he's doing. We always miss him so much when he's gone. The other day when Ryan was out, Abrielle heard our neighbors garage door open. She ran to the door yelling, "Daddy's home!!" Oh, she was sooo excited until I broke her heart and said it wasn't daddy. When he actually did come home, she was so happy. She was attached to him at the hip. She was so hyper and being goofy. Anywhere Ryan was, she was right there. She had to sit right next to him on the couch. It will be nice When he's home every night from work. It will be nice when we don't have to say goodbye for long periods of time. Less than a year. Less than a year.

So what do I do? Well, the kids obviously keep me occupied. I also try to workout 4-5 times a week. I want to stay in shape or even get in better shape. Don't settle for less. When Ryan is not here, I really don't cook. Abrielle's appetite is all over the place. I'm lucky some days if she eats a poptart. I have recently updated their baby books. I want to start working on Evan's scrapbook. I made a scrapbook of Abrielle's first year. I want to do the same for Evan. So I do try to keep myself busy.

So Abrielle. She is growing and growing. She doesn't have that baby look anymore. I guess that has been gone for a while. She doesn't have the rolls she once had. She likes to push my buttons. I'm not sure it's terrible 2's because she's been pushing my buttons from the very beginning. I know every parent says this about their child, but I think Abrielle is pretty smart for her age. She knows her ABC's. She might not recite the whole ABC song by herself, but she does recognize every letter. She also knows how to count to 16. She obviously knows her colors and shapes. She has a great memory. She loves to help me around the house. She helps put the dishes away and helps me fold clothes. She loves playing outside. I try to go outside more in the evening when it feels like 100 degrees and not 115 degrees. That's pretty much her.

Evan. He's my sweet boy. He's the most easy going baby. He's easily pleased. Doorstops keep him entertained forever. With all that said, I think his easy goingness has kept him from wanting to crawl or pull himself up or walk. He can army crawl like no one's business. He has also started to get up on his hands and knees. I guess he feels content enough with his mode of travel, so he doesn't feel the need to crawl. A physical therapist came to my house yesterday and showed me different things I can do with Evan to help motivate him to crawl. Hopefully it helps. When he was younger, he didn't care who held him. That has changed. He has developed stranger anxiety. When I took him to the doctors for his 12 month check up, he clinged onto me. He didn't want me to put him down. The scale at the doctors office said he was 23lbs 14oz, but my scale says he's 25lbs. So I'm not sure how that happened. Either way, he's still a big boy. He's in 18 month and 24 month clothes. I think that's it on Evan.

Well, I'm not sure what else to say. I don't even know if anyone reads these. If not, oh well. If you did read it, hopefully it wasn't too boring.

Guam

I've now lived in Guam for 10 days. I've had good and bad experiences. The first bad experience happened before I made it to Guam. As you all know, Loui died. He was only 4 years old. So as you can imagine, it was very unexpected and devastating. A couple weeks before flying Loui to Guam, I noticed a few blood droplets on the ground. I could also tell there was blood in his urine. It passed after a couple of days, so I thought he got better. When I took him to the vet to get his health certificate to fly to Guam, I asked the vet if cats were able to get better from a UTI without medical intervention. He said they can. He said most of the time UTI's happen because the cat is stressed out. I told the vet about seeing the blood. I also told the vet that Loui was still drinking water and going pee. Now when I look back, I should have requested the vet test Loui to confirm if he still had an infection. So our things got packed up, and he house was empty. Loui was acting weird. He was crying and looking for place to sleep. I thought he was upset because the house was empty and all of his hiding places were gone. Now I know he was crying because he was sick. I had no idea. I should have known because he didn't even purr when I pet him. He was in pain, and I didn't know. I feel so guilty. Then of course the day after my things were packed up, they had to be crated for 14 hours and fly across the ocean. The last time I saw him alive, he was in his crate crying. I was nervous the entire day, waiting to get the phone call from Ryan that they arrived safely. I was relieved when Ryan called. Then the next day came. Ryan said Loui wasn't acting right. He wasn't eating and wasn't using the litter box. I told Ryan to give him some canned food because the vet said it would keep him hydrated. Loui wouldn't even eat the canned food. My baby was suffering, and I couldn't be there to make him better. I told Ryan to take him to the vet. He said if he wasn't better by the next day he would. So the next day came. Ryan thought he was getting better because he took a few sips of milk and meowed a little more. However, his life came to a crashing end. I get a phone call from Ryan saying Loui started shaking, and then he stopped breathing. He didn't know where a vet was. I called my friend Sarah to get numbers of people who lived in Guam so Ryan could call them and ask where a vet was and one that was open on Sundays. By the time Ryan got Loui to the vet, it had been at least 30 minutes that he stopped breathing. The entire time, I'm in Hawaii not knowing what was going on. I had a terrible feeling my cat had died before the vet confirmed it. Ryan said they took Loui to the back. I'm not sure how long they tried to save him before confirming he was dead. Ryan then called me to give me the terrible news. I feel completely to blame. So many things were happening in my life, I failed to notice my cat was sick and in pain. It's so hard to not thing, "What if." I've been told it was no ones fault, but how could it not be my fault? The vet was nice enough to keep Loui for me until I arrived so I could say goodbye. So the day after Thanksgiving, I said my goodbyes. He was kept in the freezer, so he was hard and cold when I saw him. His fur was still so soft. I hate that I wasn't there for him. I hate that I couldn't save him. Ryan also blames himself. He was alone. He had to go through all of that by himself. We weren't together to comfort one another. It sucked. I had him cremated and decided to keep his ashes. Guam was never his home so I didn't want to keep him here. So basically, my first experience with Guam was not great.

The next bad experience that happened was my diamond fell out of my wedding ring. I thought I lost the diamond on the beach. However, my dad found it in my house. I really do feel lucky my dad found it. Looking at the whole situation, I don't think it was that bad that it happened, because after I got it fixed, my ring looks brand new. The jeweler buffed out all the scratches and re-dipped it in the white gold. The diamonds were cleaned. Now my ring sparkles again like it did when I first got it. I didn't realize how dirty it was until they cleaned it.

Other those 2 unfortunate events, things are going pretty good. When my dad was here, we toured the island. We got lost a few times because there are no street signs here. It's pretty frustrating. The beaches here are beautiful. When I first landed, I thought it was humid. I'm getting used to it already. I would say Indiana has more humid summers than Guam. I really like where we live. It's smaller than our house we had in Hawaii, but it's all updated. It's a 3 bedroom and 2 full bath. The counter tops are granite. The drawers are child proof drawers so Abrielle won't get her fingers slammed in the drawers. Love that feature. I'm still waiting for my things to arrive, along with my car. So I'm driving a rental right now. I don't really like it, but it gets me to where I need to go. Right now we have loaner furniture. It's not the most comfortable furniture, but it's better than sitting on the floor or sleeping on an air mattress. The view from our back patio is beautiful. It's a nice view of the mountains. The entire house is tile. One bad thing is the house came with many daddy long leg spiders. I think I'm going to bomb the house before my things arrive so maybe the spiders will die or go away. We have a corner not. Niko has a big area where he can run. He loves playing fetch with his kong. He's obsessed. I will post pictures on facebook once my thing arrive. The traffic here is much better than Hawaii, however, the speed limit is 35. It's really hard to go the speed limit. I really like it here. I think if my family was closer and if they built a Target, I could live here forever.

Ryan is out to sea right now. I'm anxious for his return. I miss him. I've been keeping myself busy with the kids and setting things up here. We have an open invitation for anyone who wants to visit. I'm sure we won't have many visitors since we're so far away and tickets are so expensive. Well, that's my update for now. Hope you enjoyed.

Counting down

I really am counting down to the day I land in Guam. Since Ryan left 44 days ago, it has been really difficult. Unless you've done this before, you really have no idea what it takes to move over seas. I'm happy I got a jumps start on everything and didn't wait until the last minute. It was so stressful. One of the things I had to do was set a day for pack out. That's the day the movers come and pack all of my things and ship them to Guam. Then I had to fill out an application for military housing in Guam and fax Ryan's military orders, change of home port letter, page 2, and power of attorney. After they received the fax then we were put on the list. Once one of us arrives to Guam, there could be up to a 30 day wait to get into housing. Luckily there are available homes right now. The housing manager said we should have a house within 10 days or less of our arrival to Guam. So I told Ryan he needs to call the manager as soon as he arrives so we can get into a house. Our things are being packed and shipped in November 14. They say it could take until January for our things to arrive. I think that is the worst case scenario. I have talked to other wives, and they said it took their things 2 weeks to arrive in Guam. I was told it doesn't take as long for things to be shipped in the Fall/Winter time. So hopefully once I get to Guam, we'll only have to wait another week before our things arrive. Another thing on my move to Guam to do list was get things prepared for my animals. Guam, like Hawaii, is a rabies free area. Lucky for us, since we are coming from a rabies free area, we can avoid the whole quarantine thing. I had to send copies of their current immunizations, rabies certificates, and an affidavit stating they were coming from Hawaii. Guam also required money. Nothing is free. I initially faxed all of the paper work. I even called that day to make sure they received it. They confirmed they received the papers and stated I would receive an email. Several weeks went by, and I never received an email. So I called Guam, and the girl said she couldn't find my paperwork, yet they received my money order and deposited it. So I was thinking, if they didn't receive my papers, how did they know what the money was for? Did they think it was a donation? So they took my money, no questions asked. Nice. Since I couldn't depend on the fax, I decided to mail it to them. I called a few days after mailing it, and the girl confirmed receiving all the correct forms. She also stated my animals were good to come to Guam after they received the health certificate. They both need  health certificate, and it can't be more than 10 days of their flight. So on November 13 I will be taking my animals to the vet. That will be interesting because I will have my babies with me. If you've ever walked my dog, you know why this will be difficult for me. My plan is to put my babies in the stroller, walk into the vet, and request someone come out and get my animals for me. I also had to call the airlines to reserve a spot for the animals on a flight. They are flying out on November 15 at 3:05pm. The flight is just under 8 hours. They will arrive in Guam on November 16 at 6:45pm. I have to call customs in Guam a couple days before the flight and arrange for someone to come to the airport to check over the animals and their forms so they can be released to Ryan. Customs will be closed when my animals arrive so we have to pay money for someone to come in because it's considered over time. Also, the airlines want my animals at the airport 3 hours before the flight. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? 3 hours? I think not. I asked if there will be someone there checking on my animals. The lady said yes. I'm not convinced. So they expect me to keep my animals in a kennel for close to 14 hours? That is complete torture. I'm thinking 2 hours before the flight is plenty of time. So that's the deal with the animals. Next I had to get things together to prepare my car to be shipped. So I went in to the same place I went to schedule my pack out date. The lady asked if I had my title. I asked, "Don't you only have the title when your car is paid off?" She said, "Yes." I told her our car wasn't paid off yet. She then proceeded to tell me I needed to get a letter from the lender giving me permission to ship my car over seas. Ok. Fine. So I called Wells Fargo. Go figure, Wells Fargo also needed things before they would send me the letter. They needed an automatic payment set up, and bill pay doesn't count. I don't understand why. So if I live in Guam, I won't make a car payment? Anyways, they also needed Ryan's military orders. What if it wasn't a military move? They wouldn't allow me to take my car? They also wanted proof of insurance. The whole car thing was the biggest ordeal. I was in tears several times over it. I had called Wells Fargo so many times I pretty much had their number memorized. I called my insurance company, and the nice girl in the office said she would fax the insurance to them. I called Wells Fargo after faxing the orders and the automatic payment form. They said they received it, but they didn't receive the insurance paper. Then the lady said she needed me to refax the orders and put my name and account number on the orders. I called my insurance company back. The girl said the fax wouldn't go through. I gave her the number again for her to try. I then called Wells Fargo and told them I was not going to put my name on MILITARY ORDERS. So they said they needed a copy of my military ID. I was also told at some point of calling them, that they had given my insurance company the wrong fax number. (The girl was having problems faxing the forms, so she called Wells Fargo herself.) Are you kidding me? So I refaxed everything AGAIN. The lady at Wells Fargo said they received everything, but my ID came out black. We lightened it and refaxed it. It still came out black. I was beyond annoyed and frustrated at this point. They even gave me a different fax number to try, but it was ringing busy. So after being on the phone for an hour, I hung up and went home. Then I emailed Ryan and told him I was done with the car. It wasn't going to be shipped. Being the awesome husband he is, he said we could pay it off if that would be easier for me. So I wired complete payment to Wells Fargo. I called them a few days later to confirm they received payment. They said the title was being sent out that day. Finally. I received the title a few days later. I was able to set things up for it to be shipped to Guam. Believe it or not, that was the short version of the car problem. So my things are scheduled to be packed. My car is ready to go. Everything is in order for my animals to be shipped. Since we won't have a house when we arrive, I had to call the military hotel in Guam and make reservations. I'm happy they take animals. I also made reservations at a military hotel here. Basically what's left to do is to pack the clothes I want to take with me. I have to pack my clothes and the babies' clothes. I also have to decide what toys to leave out for Abrielle to play with. I think I'll have 4 suitcases when I go to the airport. I'm keeping a couple air mattresses and a pack-n-play so we have something to sleep on. After I send my car, I'll have to get a rental. I'll have to get something big enough so all of my luggage will fit. I've been trying to eat up the food that can't be shipped so I don't have to throw anything out. My dad will be here in a couple of weeks, so I had to figure out what to buy at the store for us to eat that wouldn't need pots and pans or a grill to make. I'm telling you people, this hasn't been fun. I haven't had any help either. I've had to drag my poor babies all around the island to get things set up. Ryan helped by paying off the car. He's also helping by getting the animals before I fly. I couldn't imagine trying to take my animals and all my luggage to the airport. Thank goodness my dad is coming. I was really dreading flying by myself to Guam. Flying with Abrielle with Ryan was torture. I couldn't imagine flying for 8 hours by myself with 2 babies. His help is so completely appreciated. I've downloaded toddler games on my phone for her to play. I plan on bringing my computer so she can watch a few videos. I'll pack lots of snacks. I'm praying for a smooth flight. I can't believe in just under 3 weeks I'll be living in Guam. I never even heard of Guam before Ryan and the navy. It's such a small, tiny island. It's 5 miles by 20 miles. Yeah. It's that small. Look it up if you don't believe me. We will be in Guam for just under 2 years. Ryan has decided that he doesn't want to re-enlist. His contract is up in August of 2014. So that's when we get to leave Guam. Evan will be 2 by the time most of my family and friends get to meet him. It's so crazy to think about that.
Well, other than the whole Guam situation, things are going ok. Some days are harder than others. Evan is growing so quick. He has a smile that melts my heart. Abrielle is so ornery. She likes to push my buttons. She's saying so many words now. She knows some letters and some shapes. I have been working out pretty much every day. I have 6-7lbs left until I reach my goal weight. I am very determined to get there. I know I can do it. We miss Ryan so very much. We got to see him a few days ago. It was only for a couple of hours. I felt like the entire time we were together, I was watching the clock. It was speeding right along. It was even harder the second time around to say goodbye because we barely got to see him. It was the biggest tease ever. The hardest part was watching him say goodbye to the babies. This has been so much harder on him. At least I can see the sky every day. At least I am with my children. Ryan is with his co-workers every day, working in very tight quarters. The only alone time he gets is when he's sleeping, which is pretty much never. We have very little communication. When I receive an email from him, it lifts my spirits. It's the best thing in the world. Then I know he's alive. It's so scary to think what could happen. I mean he's hundreds of feet under water in a small tube. No thank you. You couldn't pay me enough. So I pray to God to keep him safe. I pray to God to give me strength to make it through until we're together again. I think this will be one of the biggest challenges I will face in my life. I'm doing ok. Family and friends try to offer encouraging words like, "You're strong. You can do it. It will go quick." Sometimes the thing that would help the most is to say to simply say, "This totally sucks." Yes. It does suck. I don't want to do it anymore. I will be glad when it's all over. I am thankful I have friends here in Hawaii who are in the same situation. Some of them have it worse because they will go longer without seeing their husbands. I went 40 days. It felt like a year.
I'm done complaining. I am not trying to make you feel sorry for me. I don't need sympathy. I am writing to try and make you understand. I am very proud of my husband. I am proud to be a navy wife. However, it doesn't come without costs. So thank you for reading this. I hope it wasn't too long. I really do miss all of you. I wish I could have visited home before I moved to Guam. It just wasn't possible. One day we will see each other again. We will keep in touch. Thank goodness for technology.

Next

Here we go again. My life seems to be constantly changing. A month ago I had my second baby. My son was born 8-8-12. I had another c-section. He was 8lbs 1.9oz. He was so much smaller than Abrielle. So the day of my scheduled c-section, I was told to sign in at the hospital at 11:00am. I would then assume my surgery would be around 12:30/1:00. Well, time kept passing and passing and passing and passing. We kept waiting and waiting and waiting.  We never received an update. The whole time I'm sitting there starving to death. I was supposed to be NPO by midnight the night before my surgery. My last meal was around 10:00pm the night before. And of course all my family who is with me is eating because they can, and they are hungry. So you know I snuck a few snacks. The people at the front desk wouldn't even let me have ice chips. Are you kidding me. I'm not going to aspirate on ice chips people. Anyways, the waiting was becoming unbearable. At one point I was so frustrated and starving, I started to tear up. So Ryan went to ask what the hold up was. He comes back and says they're ready for me. Geesh. Evan Taylor Edwards was born at 5:46pm. So yeah, I waited for 6 hours to have a c-section. If I would have known, I would have eaten a nice breakfast because of course after surgery I was put on a clear liquid diet.

After Evan was born, I asked the doctor if I could leave after 24 hours. She said I had to stay 48 hours. Ugh. I was ready to go home the next afternoon. Of course I had to wait. Since I was recovering so quickly, the doctor said I could leave after 36 hours. That sounded a little better. At the end of my stay, I was just pacing the room. I was ready to go. We even called out to the nurses station a couple of times to ask for our discharge papers. You think they would be happy to get rid of me. Instead, they take they're time. So other than the never ending wait in the beginning and the torturous wait in the end, it was a good stay. All of the staff at Tripler Army Medical Center was super nice.

I guess I should say most of my stay in the hospital was good. My family came to visit me in the hospital. Of course they brought Abrielle. To say she was not happy doesn't even come close to describing how she reacted. If Ryan or I was holding Evan, she didn't want anything to do with us. She cried and screamed and threw a fit the entire time she was there. It hurt seeing my daughter react like that. There was nothing I could do. She was so angry. She was so mad at me. I knew she was going to have some adjusting to go through, but I didn't know how badly she would take it. So, of course, after seeing her react like that made me want to get home even more.

When I finally made it home, Abrielle was a happy girl. It was so nice to see her. She wanted me to pick her up. I was put on restriction. I'm not supposed to lift more than 20lbs for 6 weeks after the surgery. Well, that didn't happen. It's only been 4 weeks. I've been lifting Abrielle for about 2 weeks now. She's doing so much better with Evan. She helps me with him by giving me a diaper when I need it or covering him with a blanket. She'll give him kisses and is always asking to hold him. I'm so relieved she's falling in love with her brother. It makes things easier. I think seeing me in the hospital with an IV and out of our normal environment didn't help her reaction when she saw me. Things are much better now.

Now to tell you about my new little guy. He is completely opposite of Abrielle. First, he was smaller than her when he was born. He's only in the 50th percentile for height and weight, and his head is in the 25th percentile. Abrielle was always in the 90th percentile. He poops a lot, but no where close to how much Abrielle pooped when she was that little. Evan does great in a car seat. He basically sleeps the entire time he's in it. Abrielle started screaming as soon as she heard the click of the buckle to the car seat. Evan is calm. He only cries when he's hungry. He has had a few nights where he gets fussy because he's so gasy. Also, trying to get him to sleep in his crib is becoming a challenge. Abrielle slept with me for the first 2 weeks of life then went straight to her crib. She did great. Evan, not so much. He likes to cuddle, which is nice, but I need my bed back. That is something I will have to work on. I use my swing with him. He does great in the swing. I used it a lot with Abrielle too. I love my swing. So who does he look like? I'm really not sure. Abrielle looks like her dad. It's all in the eyes. I think they both have my nose, though. Sometimes I think Evan looks like Ryan. I don't know yet. I don't think Evan and Abrielle look anything alike. I guess time will tell.

So my life has changed yet again by having another child. However, it's not over yet. In a couple of months I will be making my way to Guam. I will be leaving Hawaii and moving to Guam on November 20. The movers will be packing my things on November 15. It should arrive in Guam no later than December 27. I really hope it doesn't take that long. So I will be without a couch or a bed for quite some time. I can't say I'm looking forward to that. Well, we have been pretty lucky because Ryan has not had to go out to sea since we've lived together. He has been here with Abrielle. Now we're not so lucky. Ryan leaves today. He'll be gone for a week. They come back to Hawaii for 2 days, and then they're gone. I won't see him until November. Even though we knew this was coming, it doesn't make it any easier. The thing that is hardest about him being gone is missing out on our babies. Evan will be 3 months old the next time he sees him. I know Abrielle is going to miss him like crazy too. I guess I'll have to get used to being a single mom, also. I know I'll be fine. It will have it's challenges, but I will survive. It won't be as bad since I'm not working. I love that I can stay home with my babies. I know they are being taken care of. Even though people keep telling me to get a baby sitter so Abrielle will say more words, I wouldn't do it any different. I think staying home with my babies is more beneficial to them then sending them to a daycare or a babysitter. So please stop trying to persuade me to do otherwise. I'm not going to listen anyways. You raise your kids the way you want, and I'll raise mine the way I want. Your way isn't more right than mine and vise versa.

I've been trying to start getting things ready for the big move in November. I think I might start packing things up soon. I really hate moving. It's nice movers come and pack everything. I have to unpack everything though. Plus, my things get damaged along the way. One of the biggest challenges I will have to soon face is the actual travel to Guam. Here's the challenge. I will have to get to the airport not only with my luggage but also with my 2 children and my 2 animals. It's very likely that Ryan will not be able to come back to Hawaii once he arrives in Guam to help me move. So I have to prepare myself for the worst. I know I can get some help going to the airport. I'll have to rent a car and have a friend drive too. So once my luggage is turned in and my animals are taken care, then it's the 8 hour plane ride with 2 babies I'll have to endure. Traveling with Abrielle was challenging enough. I'm not looking forward to adding another baby to the equation. It's hard to keep Abrielle entertained the entire trip. I start having anxiety just thinking about it. Then once we arrive in Guam, it's getting off the plane and getting all of my luggage together and figuring out where to go. It's a lot of unknown. I don't like the unknown. I like being able to plan things out.

So I guess that's what my very near future holds for me. It will be challenging, but something I know I can get through. I will have to ask God for his help. I'll need patience and strength. What does the far future hold? Not sure. We can leave Guam January of 2014. Ryan's contract isn't up until August of 2014. So we could be in Guam until then. The only way we could be re stationed in January is if Ryan re-enlists and does shore duty. That would be a 3 year contract. If he doesn't re-enlist then we will be in Guam until August of 2014. It's up to him. If he does shore duty, he will probably enroll in school. I'm not sure what degree he would get. He doesn't even know. What I do know is it will be different living in Guam. I never even heard of Guam before the Navy. I hope we can travel to another country while living in Guam. We have our passports so we're ready. I'm not sure what else to say at this time. Hawaii will soon be my past and Guam will be my present. New adventures will be coming my way.

A long time ago...

It's been almost a year since I've blogged. I guess I don't have that much going on. Things are pretty much the same. Ryan and I were living in Ewa Beach which was on the west side of the island. To get anywhere of importance, we always had to plan our trips around traffic. However, avoiding traffic wasn't always possible. Ryan always hit traffic to and from work. Without traffic, it would take 30-35 minutes to get to work. With traffic, it would take 60-70 minutes to get to work. So traffic made the trip twice as long. Plus, if I needed to go to the grocery store, I had to make sure I went early enough so I wouldn't hit that after work traffic. Also, I was killing ants on a daily basis when we lived in Ewa. The homes were so old that ants lived in the walls. I bombed the house several times, I left ant traps out, I had raid out and ready constantly. Nothing kept the ants away. The airplanes flying over head were also something of a bother. A one hour show would take me almost 90 minutes to watch because I had to pause it so many times because the airplanes flying overhead made it impossible to hear.
So, because of all of these issues, we moved into navy housing. Now everything is super close. It's amazing how much gas we save. The place where we live is so nice. They're like 5-6 years old. We don't have ants ruining our food, there aren't airplanes flying constantly over our home, and it takes Ryan maybe 15 minutes to get to work. The only thing not spectacular about this place is the yard. The yard is super small for my dog. I can take him out front and throw his toy, but then there are neighbor kids who want to come over and throw the toy. I don't let them. I probably come off as the mean neighbor lady. Oh well. I don't want Niko biting a kid because he's trying to grad the toy from their hands. It's a lawsuit waiting to happen. So I'll just avoid it. We moved to housing in December. It wasn't but a week after we moved, we went home for a visit. My poor dog thought he was being abandoned. We had our friend Rick stay here and take care of our animals. At some point he had to leave, and a guy from Ryan's boat was nice enough to take care of the animals until we got home. Niko wasn't as familiar with the guy from Ryan's boat. So he had the nervous poops. Basically, he had diarrhea everywhere. It was awful. My house smelled like poop for days. The thing about housing is they have carpet in some of the living space. And of course, instead of pooping on the hard surface where it would have been much easier to clean up, Niko crapped all over the carpet. Man, what a mess. We got it cleaned up. I don't really see any stains from it.
So we haven't been here very long. We won't be staying that much longer either. In November, we will be moving to Guam. I've heard the navy housing in Guam isn't as nice as the housing in Hawaii. In Hawaii, if you have 2 children, you get a 3 bedroom. The same rules don't apply in Guam. So I think we'll be living off base. It will definitely be an adventure moving to Guam. We plan on visiting other countries while we're living there. It will actually be cheaper and closer for us to visit other countries than it would be to visit home. We're hoping to see what Australia is like. Ryan's contract is up January 2014. I'm not sure if we'll have a chance to visit more than one other country.
I had a goal of getting pregnant before the end of last year. Thankfully I was able to achieve my goal. I am now 24 weeks pregnant. We found out we're having a boy. We are both super excited about it. I told Ryan he could chose the name. Of course, I get to veto if I don't like the name. I have a name picked out. Ryan thinks he has plenty of time to pick a name. Boys don't understand how important it is for us to have a name before the baby is born. I want to know now. Ryan is so last minute. He'll pick a name the day before he's due. Since Abrielle was a c-section, I plan on having a repeat c-section. I really don't see the point in trying labor and it failing all over again just to end up getting a c-section. This pregnancy is almost exactly like the first one. Before we found out if I was having a boy or girl, I was certain it was another girl. I was wrong. I was disappointed, not because I didn't want a boy, but because I hate being wrong. The day after we found out, we went to Babys-r-us and spent gobs of money for our new little guy. It will be nice once the crib and dresser are put together. Then I can put the bedding out and prepare the room for my new little guy. While we're still living here, I'll probably keep the spare bed in his nursery, especially since we'll have company come when he's born. Once we move to Guam, I'll probably just keep the bed stored away so he can have a room all to himself. I really doubt we'll get any visitors in Guam. It is way too expensive.
In fact, we don't plan on visiting home once we move to Guam. It takes about 23 hours to fly from Guam to Fort Wayne. There is no way I'm making that trip with 2 babies. Guam is 9 hours from Hawaii. I'm already dreading the 9 hour trip. I think we might try to make a trip home before we move to Guam. If we don't, then it will be over 2 years before we see all of our family and friends. That's a long time.
After our last trip home, I'm in no hurry to make another trip home. If you're not in our situation, then you don't understand why I say that. Not only is it super expensive to fly home every few months, but the flight is long. It's even longer when you're traveling with a baby. Then once we get home, we're expected to go see everyone. Interesting. I think we made the biggest effort by traveling thousands of miles to get home. Everyone else can make the rest of the effort. Other people don't feel that way. That's why I dread going home. We get guilt trips. It's just annoying. Plus, my poor child got sick. That was no fun. So I'm telling you now, if we come home before we move to Guam, if you want to see us, we will be at our parents' houses. That's it. I might make some dinner arrangements with friends, but I'm not making personal visits to anyones house. That might sound selfish, but I really don't care.
On a happier note, Abrielle is now 15 months old. She runs around the house. It's so funny watching how fast her little legs will take her. The older she becomes, the more needy she has become. She needs to be near me all the time. I have to sit on the floor with her while she plays. Or if I'm sitting on the couch, she'll bring a toy on the couch. She's not potty trained yet. It's definitely a slow process. She still hasn't said a word yet. Everything is dada. The doctor says she'll give her a 3 month pass. If she's not saying words by her 18 month check up, the doctor wants to send her to a specialist. Geesh. The doctor gave me a handout on things to do to get her to talk. I already do almost everything on the handout. It can be a little frustrating. Abrielle understands what I'm saying. She knows where her belly is and her toes and her ears. She knows what a cat says. She knows who Niko and Loui are. She just doesn't want to call them Niko or Loui or belly or whatever. She wants to call them dada. I'm her mom. She'll eventually talk. I'm not that worried.
So I'm still working as a labor and delivery nurse. I work very part time. Lately they haven't been able to give me all the hours I sign up for. So I might work 4 hours here and 4 hours there. I still like what I do very much. My poor husband has been working 12 hour days every day. Then he has duty every 4 days. I mean, it's non-stop. Most evenings I'm not sure when he'll be home. I don't know how to plan dinner because I don't know when he'll be home. He's always tired. He needs a break. We went to the sub ball a week ago. It was fun. We got to dress up and look pretty. The ball was held at Hilton Hawaiian Ball Room. It was so nice. I think it was a good time for all of the guys to unwind.
Well, it's getting late. My mind is slowing down. I'm going to go to bed. I'll try not to wait a year before I update my blog. Hope you enjoyed reading.

Randomness

So this might be short, or it could be very long. I'm not really writing to update everyone. I'm really writing to share my random thoughts. I guess you could say I have lots of time on my hands. There is so much I think about. I think maybe I should put it out there so my brain doesn't explode. Well, I've been watching Sex and the City. Ryan got the collection for me for our anniversary. I just finished all six seasons and watched the first movie. Watching these episodes brings back so many memories. It makes me think of all the fun times I spent with my friends. I have many best friends. I know people say you can only have one best friend, but I think that is whooie. There was a time that I hung out with 3 specific girls all the time. Every weekend we were together. The only thing that changed was where the night got started. These 3 girls are Angie, April, and Liz. We were inseparable for the longest time. We did everything together and shared every secret with each other. Looking back, I just can't believe how so much has changed. My birthday is in 2 days. Back then, the evening would have been planned already. We would get together at someone's house before we went out for the evening. This year I have to go to work for 4 hours. That is so depressing to me. Fortunately, I get to spend the day with Abrielle. Then I get to spend some of the time with Ryan when he gets off work. So my plan is to celebrate both of our birthdays on Memorial Day. We both have the day off, so why not? You know, I can go a while without crying, but there are times when I think about my friends and family, and it hurts because I miss them so much. I just think it's amazing what we do and how we change for love. I love Ryan with all my heart. I would die if anything happened to him, but that doesn't change the fact that I get homesick...a lot. I don't think Ryan will ever read this, but if I shared how homesick I get with him, he would feel guilty. He would think it is all his fault. It's not his fault. I chose to move far away. I chose this life because I love him. Something brought us back together. You know, God knows everything. He knows the path we plan on taking. I really think He had a hand in getting us back together. I mean, really. If He didn't, then why do we have such a wonderful, beautiful daughter together? So Ryan, if you do read this, you need to know that I have no regrets. Just because I have no regrets doesn't mean I can't miss my family and friends. I've been told that one day family will become more important than friends. I don't see why my friends can't be considered part of that family. The friends who I have in my life who I hold near and dear to my heart will forever be there. Angie, April, Elizabeth, Cassie, Cristi, Sandra, and Laura. I love you all dearly. Each of you have played a very significant role in my life. I would never take any of it away. Some of you I have known since the 4th grade. Some of you I met through college. Some of you I met through work. However we met, I am so grateful. Can you imagine how different our lives would be if we NEVER met? I don't think I want to imagine. It hurts being away from you, but I would rather it hurt than to never have met you in the first place.
So besides having best "girl"friends in my life, I have other people who are also very close to me. This one guy has been in my life for 11 years now. I never thought we would be where we are today, but I'm so glad it came to this. Ryan is truly my best friend. He knows the best and worst parts of me and still loves me. He spoils me every chance he can get. I know I don't show my appreciation for him enough, but everyone should know that I love him with all my heart and can't imagine my life without him. I mean seriously. If anything ever happened to him, the only reason my life would continue is because I have a daughter. If Abrielle didn't exist, and something tragic happened to Ryan, my life would be over. So I really try not to think about it. I know, in my heart, that God has planned for us to live a long life together. I hope we die together in our sleep at a very, very old age. Then our spirits can go to heaven together. I love you, Ryan. So don't you forget that...ever.
So who else is important to me? Well, Dustin, you are pretty awesome. I can remember how we used to fight all the time when we were younger. I used to get you in trouble all the time. People would say when we got older we would be best of friends. Ha. We never thought it true, but look at us now. I couldn't ask for a better big brother. I love that we both had daughters so close in age. I know we don't live close, but I hope to think that one day we will live closer. I would love if our children could grow up together. I love you, bub.
Jagger, if you actually read this, you should know that I am proud to be your older sister. It's so funny to look at where you are in your life. It wasn't long ago I was in the same place. Maybe we were doing different things, but still, I remember being 16. I want nothing but the best for you. I love you, Jag.
So my grandparents are pretty awesome too. Since I got married, I gained a few grandparents. I think that's pretty awesome. When you get married, you gain more than just a husband and a different last name. I know the movies portray the spouses family as crazy, but I am lucky to have gained the people who have supported Ryan for all of his life. Thank you to all of my grandparents for being awesome.
Parents. I am now a parent. Crazy. Why is it you have to have a child before you truly appreciate how wonderful your parents are? My parents are divorced. I think divorce sucks. I never want to get divorced, especially since I've had a child, because, like I said, they suck. Even though my parents got divorced, I think they did the best they could. They both love me very much. I love them so much as well. Thank goodness for technology because this separation would be much harder without it. I'm not sure exactly what my mom and dad think about the choices I've made, but I would hope that they would be proud for the most part. Not being just a 15 minute drive away has been really hard. At least they're just a phone call away. I will take what I can get. Like I said before, when you get married, you gain more than just a husband. My in-laws are pretty awesome. They have supported us and having more people in my life who love us makes my life that much better.
So basically, I miss everyone. I miss my family. I miss my friends. Thank goodness I have Ryan and Abrielle in my life because otherwise, I'm not sure how I could get through life.
So some more random thoughts....
I've been working out maybe 4 times a week. I try to eat better as well. I'm trying to make sure my abdominal muscles get some strength back before I get pregnant again. I want to get pregnant before the end of the year. I've heard over and over again about how hard it is to lose the baby weight after the second baby and how you start showing so much sooner with the second one because your abdominal muscles are so stretched out. I really don't want that to happen to me. So I'm trying to avoid that by getting back into shape now. I want to have another baby so close to the first one because of the following: I want to have both children before I'm 30. I want to have my second child in Hawaii, not Guam. I want my children to be close in age. Do I care if I have a boy or girl? Yes and no. I know Ryan really wants to have a boy, but it doesn't really matter to me. Basically, as long as the baby is healthy, then it doesn't matter. I have some fears about having another child. My biggest fear is neglecting Abrielle. She won't get as much attention anymore. My poor dog doesn't get the attention he used to get. I know I'll love the second child just as much as Abrielle, but it still makes me nervous to have a second child because I love Abrielle so much. Does that make sense? My second biggest fear, it's kind of superficial, is that I won't be able to get back in shape as quickly as I did this time. I really don't want to let myself go. People say that having one child you think you have no time and get no sleep, but after you have a second child then your life is over. I don't want that. I think it's important to still make time for yourself. If I neglect myself, then I think I will be unhappy. An unhappy mom is not a good thing. I want to have smart babies. I want them to go to college and have a better life than I did. I'm not saying my life was bad, but there are choices I made that could have been different. I know my children will make mistakes, but I don't want them to make the same mistakes I made. I want them to be better than me.
It's so crazy that I'm taking care of a little person. She depends on me for everything. If she needs fed, I feed her. If she needs a diaper change, I change it. If she needs a bath, I give her a bath. If she didn't have me and Ryan, then what? I just can't imagine my baby girl growing up without parents. I would do anything for her. Maybe I'm weird, but I think about what I would do if some stranger broke into my home to steal my child. I could seriously see myself injuring the intruder in order to protect my baby girl. No one messes with my family. No one. So I pray that God continues to watch over us. He has given me so many wonderful things in my life. I know I haven't shown enough appreciation for him. I mean, really. Who would give their only son up so that everyone else could be forgiven? That's the biggest sacrifice. I can't imagine giving Abrielle up so some stranger can go to heaven. I'm way to selfish.
I think sometimes I could listen better. Have you ever had a conversation with someone but don't remember what it was about because you were in your own head thinking of other things? I do that all the time. That's not good. I think when others are sharing things about their lives, they deserve your attention. You would want the same from them, right? I need to try harder.
If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? I could think of several things. They're mostly superficial. How unfortunate that society has made us to think we're not perfect the way God made us to be. We think we need to change things about ourselves to be accepted by all of society. We still feel the need to change superficial things about ourselves even when we find someone who overlooks our flaws and loves us just the way we are. And who's to say they're flaws? Maybe our "flaws" aren't flaws after all. Maybe the people that lack our flaws are flawed themselves because they try too hard to be something they're not.
So what is your take on the fact that when I lived in Washington we only had one set of guests? I know we only lived there for like 4 months, but no one, besides Ryan's grandparents had any plans to come see us. Now that we live in paradise, our summer is jam packed full. So if we were still in Washington, our future visits from guests would be empty. Hmmm. What's your excuse? Washington is depressing and there's nothing to do? Um, we lived in Washington. Are we not enough of an attraction to come visit? We have to live on a beautiful island to have people come visit? Ok, so I'm just venting a little and throwing out what pops in my head. Whatever. Would I visit a friend or family member if they moved to Washington? I guess it depends on who it was.
It's crazy. Sometimes I forget I live in Hawaii until I look up when I'm driving and see the beautiful green mountains. When I see the forecast says nothing but sun, I feel like I need to take advantage of it because I'll be leaving soon, when in reality, I'll be living on an island for at least another 3 years.
If you would have told me 5 years ago I would be married to Ryan, living in Hawaii, and raising a beautiful daughter, I would have laughed. I just can't believe where my life has taken me. I think I'm pretty lucky. Not everyone gets the chance to visit Hawaii. It's the closest thing on earth to heaven. Not only is it beautiful to look at, but the weather is nearly perfect.
I think I would be fine if I was a permanent stay at home mom. I know it's "good" for me to work, but do I really have to? I don't know. I'm trying to make friends here. I hate not being able to get in my car and drive to a friends house and talk about our husbands if I want to. "Oh, you have an open personality. You'll make friends easily." Well, guess what? I haven't. I am trying to start a friendly relationship with Jessica. It's funny. I move clear across the country, across the ocean, and I'm making friends with someone who is from Indiana. What does that say about me? I don't know. We're the same? We can relate to one another because we came from the same place? Either way, her friendship is welcome.
When I encounter new people, sometimes after I go home, I replay the things I said to them. I really don't want to offend people. I think sometimes when I'm joking, people might take it the wrong way.
Who am I, and how do people perceive me? Is that really important? Maybe it's only important to do what makes you happy and be who you are when you are by yourself. I think people are really actors in their own lives. Meaning, they act how others want them to. I think people act differently around different types of people. I think they do it without realizing it. How you act when you're by yourself is probably the most real you'll be.
So you know the whole reality tv shows. What makes their lives so interesting? Maybe my current day to day life isn't interesting, but the events that led up to it are pretty fun to listen to. I think it's pathetic some people are famous and make millions of dollars just because someone else thought their life was interesting enough to put on television. Am I jealous? I'm jealous they make enough money they don't have to have a car payment.
You know, it's getting late. Sorry to have talked your ear off. I kind of needed to get things off my chest. Hope you enjoyed. Feel free to ask questions.

What do you want to know?

I'm still here, living in Hawaii with my husband, my baby girl, and my 2 furry animals. What's new? Not much is really new. Here's my average day. Abrielle wakes up around 7. I feed her and change her diaper. Then I put her on her floor toy, and she plays on that for about an hour. She then gets hungry again so of course I feed her. About this time is morning nap time. So about 9am she decides to go to sleep. Lately, her naps have varied on how long they are. Sometimes she'll take a 2-4 hour nap. Other times she'll sleep for 30 minutes to an hour. So after nap time, if it's a long one, of course she needs fed again and a diaper change. Sometime during the day I'll give her a bath. She smells so much better after a bath. I love the baby lotions I use on her. So later in the afternoon, she might take a short nap. She usually naps in her swing. I absolutely love my swing. It's amazing. At night is probably the most challenging time. She gets tired around 8ish, but she fights going to sleep. We rock her, we walk her, we try putting her in the crib, we try everything, but she fights it until the end. She finally falls to sleep around 9. She has been sleeping through the night since she was about 8 weeks old. I'd say I'm pretty lucky. The past couple of weeks she has woken up around 4 or 5 in the morning. Sometimes she'll cry a little bit then fall back to sleep. Other times I have to get up and feed her. Once I feed her and change her, I'll lie her back in her crib, and she'll fall back to sleep. I find it amazing that she'll easily go back to sleep at this time, but she fights it so much when we're trying to put her to bed. So when she's not sleeping, we spend time together. I'll sit on the couch with her and talk with her. I love seeing her smile. I'll do anything to make her smile. I can't wait to hear her laugh. I try to do tummy time with her a few times a day. She's doing so much better. She can hold her head up a lot longer, and she tolerates it longer than she did before. She actually rolls over now. The first time she rolled over she was only 2 1/2 months old. I was super proud of her. She doesn't roll over every time I put her on her belly. There have been a couple of times when she's lying on her back, and she twists her body and moves almost rolling over. I'm sure it will still be a little while before she rolls over from her back to her belly. Either way, I can't believe how time is flying. She is getting so big. I look at pictures and see the huge difference. Even though she was never really "little," she did used to be smaller. I really do try to enjoy every second with her because before I know it, she'll be a teenager talking back to me. Yikes! I am just so absolutely proud of her. I'm proud to be her mom. I love showing her off. It's amazing the things she does now that she didn't do before. I'm amazed by her every day. I'm still breast feeding. I'll probably breast feed until she's about 6 months. I'm attempting to go back to work. Since I was originally employed by a travel company and not the hospital, I have to go through the whole hiring process. It kind of sucks. I also realized I let my CPR expire. So I have to get re-certified before I get hired. That will be the longest I've been away from Abrielle. I haven't been away from her for more than a couple of hours. That's pretty bad. I only plan on going back to work part time, working 1-2 days a week. I'll work when Ryan isn't working because I don't trust strangers. I really don't want to put her in the hands of people I don't know. Going back to work will suck because I don't want to leave her, but I like being able to pay my bills. My money that I had stored up before I had her is quickly dwindling down. So I started up my workout again. I'm trying to get back in shape before I get pregnant again. I'm thinking about trying again in September of this year. I want to have my kids close in age. I want to be done having children by the time I'm 30. Also, we're moving to Guam next year in the fall or winter. I would prefer to have my next child in Hawaii. We'll see if my plans span out. I can't really think of anything else right now. I know I've talked a lot about Abrielle. That's the main thing going on in my life. So that's it.