Counting down

I really am counting down to the day I land in Guam. Since Ryan left 44 days ago, it has been really difficult. Unless you've done this before, you really have no idea what it takes to move over seas. I'm happy I got a jumps start on everything and didn't wait until the last minute. It was so stressful. One of the things I had to do was set a day for pack out. That's the day the movers come and pack all of my things and ship them to Guam. Then I had to fill out an application for military housing in Guam and fax Ryan's military orders, change of home port letter, page 2, and power of attorney. After they received the fax then we were put on the list. Once one of us arrives to Guam, there could be up to a 30 day wait to get into housing. Luckily there are available homes right now. The housing manager said we should have a house within 10 days or less of our arrival to Guam. So I told Ryan he needs to call the manager as soon as he arrives so we can get into a house. Our things are being packed and shipped in November 14. They say it could take until January for our things to arrive. I think that is the worst case scenario. I have talked to other wives, and they said it took their things 2 weeks to arrive in Guam. I was told it doesn't take as long for things to be shipped in the Fall/Winter time. So hopefully once I get to Guam, we'll only have to wait another week before our things arrive. Another thing on my move to Guam to do list was get things prepared for my animals. Guam, like Hawaii, is a rabies free area. Lucky for us, since we are coming from a rabies free area, we can avoid the whole quarantine thing. I had to send copies of their current immunizations, rabies certificates, and an affidavit stating they were coming from Hawaii. Guam also required money. Nothing is free. I initially faxed all of the paper work. I even called that day to make sure they received it. They confirmed they received the papers and stated I would receive an email. Several weeks went by, and I never received an email. So I called Guam, and the girl said she couldn't find my paperwork, yet they received my money order and deposited it. So I was thinking, if they didn't receive my papers, how did they know what the money was for? Did they think it was a donation? So they took my money, no questions asked. Nice. Since I couldn't depend on the fax, I decided to mail it to them. I called a few days after mailing it, and the girl confirmed receiving all the correct forms. She also stated my animals were good to come to Guam after they received the health certificate. They both need  health certificate, and it can't be more than 10 days of their flight. So on November 13 I will be taking my animals to the vet. That will be interesting because I will have my babies with me. If you've ever walked my dog, you know why this will be difficult for me. My plan is to put my babies in the stroller, walk into the vet, and request someone come out and get my animals for me. I also had to call the airlines to reserve a spot for the animals on a flight. They are flying out on November 15 at 3:05pm. The flight is just under 8 hours. They will arrive in Guam on November 16 at 6:45pm. I have to call customs in Guam a couple days before the flight and arrange for someone to come to the airport to check over the animals and their forms so they can be released to Ryan. Customs will be closed when my animals arrive so we have to pay money for someone to come in because it's considered over time. Also, the airlines want my animals at the airport 3 hours before the flight. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? 3 hours? I think not. I asked if there will be someone there checking on my animals. The lady said yes. I'm not convinced. So they expect me to keep my animals in a kennel for close to 14 hours? That is complete torture. I'm thinking 2 hours before the flight is plenty of time. So that's the deal with the animals. Next I had to get things together to prepare my car to be shipped. So I went in to the same place I went to schedule my pack out date. The lady asked if I had my title. I asked, "Don't you only have the title when your car is paid off?" She said, "Yes." I told her our car wasn't paid off yet. She then proceeded to tell me I needed to get a letter from the lender giving me permission to ship my car over seas. Ok. Fine. So I called Wells Fargo. Go figure, Wells Fargo also needed things before they would send me the letter. They needed an automatic payment set up, and bill pay doesn't count. I don't understand why. So if I live in Guam, I won't make a car payment? Anyways, they also needed Ryan's military orders. What if it wasn't a military move? They wouldn't allow me to take my car? They also wanted proof of insurance. The whole car thing was the biggest ordeal. I was in tears several times over it. I had called Wells Fargo so many times I pretty much had their number memorized. I called my insurance company, and the nice girl in the office said she would fax the insurance to them. I called Wells Fargo after faxing the orders and the automatic payment form. They said they received it, but they didn't receive the insurance paper. Then the lady said she needed me to refax the orders and put my name and account number on the orders. I called my insurance company back. The girl said the fax wouldn't go through. I gave her the number again for her to try. I then called Wells Fargo and told them I was not going to put my name on MILITARY ORDERS. So they said they needed a copy of my military ID. I was also told at some point of calling them, that they had given my insurance company the wrong fax number. (The girl was having problems faxing the forms, so she called Wells Fargo herself.) Are you kidding me? So I refaxed everything AGAIN. The lady at Wells Fargo said they received everything, but my ID came out black. We lightened it and refaxed it. It still came out black. I was beyond annoyed and frustrated at this point. They even gave me a different fax number to try, but it was ringing busy. So after being on the phone for an hour, I hung up and went home. Then I emailed Ryan and told him I was done with the car. It wasn't going to be shipped. Being the awesome husband he is, he said we could pay it off if that would be easier for me. So I wired complete payment to Wells Fargo. I called them a few days later to confirm they received payment. They said the title was being sent out that day. Finally. I received the title a few days later. I was able to set things up for it to be shipped to Guam. Believe it or not, that was the short version of the car problem. So my things are scheduled to be packed. My car is ready to go. Everything is in order for my animals to be shipped. Since we won't have a house when we arrive, I had to call the military hotel in Guam and make reservations. I'm happy they take animals. I also made reservations at a military hotel here. Basically what's left to do is to pack the clothes I want to take with me. I have to pack my clothes and the babies' clothes. I also have to decide what toys to leave out for Abrielle to play with. I think I'll have 4 suitcases when I go to the airport. I'm keeping a couple air mattresses and a pack-n-play so we have something to sleep on. After I send my car, I'll have to get a rental. I'll have to get something big enough so all of my luggage will fit. I've been trying to eat up the food that can't be shipped so I don't have to throw anything out. My dad will be here in a couple of weeks, so I had to figure out what to buy at the store for us to eat that wouldn't need pots and pans or a grill to make. I'm telling you people, this hasn't been fun. I haven't had any help either. I've had to drag my poor babies all around the island to get things set up. Ryan helped by paying off the car. He's also helping by getting the animals before I fly. I couldn't imagine trying to take my animals and all my luggage to the airport. Thank goodness my dad is coming. I was really dreading flying by myself to Guam. Flying with Abrielle with Ryan was torture. I couldn't imagine flying for 8 hours by myself with 2 babies. His help is so completely appreciated. I've downloaded toddler games on my phone for her to play. I plan on bringing my computer so she can watch a few videos. I'll pack lots of snacks. I'm praying for a smooth flight. I can't believe in just under 3 weeks I'll be living in Guam. I never even heard of Guam before Ryan and the navy. It's such a small, tiny island. It's 5 miles by 20 miles. Yeah. It's that small. Look it up if you don't believe me. We will be in Guam for just under 2 years. Ryan has decided that he doesn't want to re-enlist. His contract is up in August of 2014. So that's when we get to leave Guam. Evan will be 2 by the time most of my family and friends get to meet him. It's so crazy to think about that.
Well, other than the whole Guam situation, things are going ok. Some days are harder than others. Evan is growing so quick. He has a smile that melts my heart. Abrielle is so ornery. She likes to push my buttons. She's saying so many words now. She knows some letters and some shapes. I have been working out pretty much every day. I have 6-7lbs left until I reach my goal weight. I am very determined to get there. I know I can do it. We miss Ryan so very much. We got to see him a few days ago. It was only for a couple of hours. I felt like the entire time we were together, I was watching the clock. It was speeding right along. It was even harder the second time around to say goodbye because we barely got to see him. It was the biggest tease ever. The hardest part was watching him say goodbye to the babies. This has been so much harder on him. At least I can see the sky every day. At least I am with my children. Ryan is with his co-workers every day, working in very tight quarters. The only alone time he gets is when he's sleeping, which is pretty much never. We have very little communication. When I receive an email from him, it lifts my spirits. It's the best thing in the world. Then I know he's alive. It's so scary to think what could happen. I mean he's hundreds of feet under water in a small tube. No thank you. You couldn't pay me enough. So I pray to God to keep him safe. I pray to God to give me strength to make it through until we're together again. I think this will be one of the biggest challenges I will face in my life. I'm doing ok. Family and friends try to offer encouraging words like, "You're strong. You can do it. It will go quick." Sometimes the thing that would help the most is to say to simply say, "This totally sucks." Yes. It does suck. I don't want to do it anymore. I will be glad when it's all over. I am thankful I have friends here in Hawaii who are in the same situation. Some of them have it worse because they will go longer without seeing their husbands. I went 40 days. It felt like a year.
I'm done complaining. I am not trying to make you feel sorry for me. I don't need sympathy. I am writing to try and make you understand. I am very proud of my husband. I am proud to be a navy wife. However, it doesn't come without costs. So thank you for reading this. I hope it wasn't too long. I really do miss all of you. I wish I could have visited home before I moved to Guam. It just wasn't possible. One day we will see each other again. We will keep in touch. Thank goodness for technology.

Next

Here we go again. My life seems to be constantly changing. A month ago I had my second baby. My son was born 8-8-12. I had another c-section. He was 8lbs 1.9oz. He was so much smaller than Abrielle. So the day of my scheduled c-section, I was told to sign in at the hospital at 11:00am. I would then assume my surgery would be around 12:30/1:00. Well, time kept passing and passing and passing and passing. We kept waiting and waiting and waiting.  We never received an update. The whole time I'm sitting there starving to death. I was supposed to be NPO by midnight the night before my surgery. My last meal was around 10:00pm the night before. And of course all my family who is with me is eating because they can, and they are hungry. So you know I snuck a few snacks. The people at the front desk wouldn't even let me have ice chips. Are you kidding me. I'm not going to aspirate on ice chips people. Anyways, the waiting was becoming unbearable. At one point I was so frustrated and starving, I started to tear up. So Ryan went to ask what the hold up was. He comes back and says they're ready for me. Geesh. Evan Taylor Edwards was born at 5:46pm. So yeah, I waited for 6 hours to have a c-section. If I would have known, I would have eaten a nice breakfast because of course after surgery I was put on a clear liquid diet.

After Evan was born, I asked the doctor if I could leave after 24 hours. She said I had to stay 48 hours. Ugh. I was ready to go home the next afternoon. Of course I had to wait. Since I was recovering so quickly, the doctor said I could leave after 36 hours. That sounded a little better. At the end of my stay, I was just pacing the room. I was ready to go. We even called out to the nurses station a couple of times to ask for our discharge papers. You think they would be happy to get rid of me. Instead, they take they're time. So other than the never ending wait in the beginning and the torturous wait in the end, it was a good stay. All of the staff at Tripler Army Medical Center was super nice.

I guess I should say most of my stay in the hospital was good. My family came to visit me in the hospital. Of course they brought Abrielle. To say she was not happy doesn't even come close to describing how she reacted. If Ryan or I was holding Evan, she didn't want anything to do with us. She cried and screamed and threw a fit the entire time she was there. It hurt seeing my daughter react like that. There was nothing I could do. She was so angry. She was so mad at me. I knew she was going to have some adjusting to go through, but I didn't know how badly she would take it. So, of course, after seeing her react like that made me want to get home even more.

When I finally made it home, Abrielle was a happy girl. It was so nice to see her. She wanted me to pick her up. I was put on restriction. I'm not supposed to lift more than 20lbs for 6 weeks after the surgery. Well, that didn't happen. It's only been 4 weeks. I've been lifting Abrielle for about 2 weeks now. She's doing so much better with Evan. She helps me with him by giving me a diaper when I need it or covering him with a blanket. She'll give him kisses and is always asking to hold him. I'm so relieved she's falling in love with her brother. It makes things easier. I think seeing me in the hospital with an IV and out of our normal environment didn't help her reaction when she saw me. Things are much better now.

Now to tell you about my new little guy. He is completely opposite of Abrielle. First, he was smaller than her when he was born. He's only in the 50th percentile for height and weight, and his head is in the 25th percentile. Abrielle was always in the 90th percentile. He poops a lot, but no where close to how much Abrielle pooped when she was that little. Evan does great in a car seat. He basically sleeps the entire time he's in it. Abrielle started screaming as soon as she heard the click of the buckle to the car seat. Evan is calm. He only cries when he's hungry. He has had a few nights where he gets fussy because he's so gasy. Also, trying to get him to sleep in his crib is becoming a challenge. Abrielle slept with me for the first 2 weeks of life then went straight to her crib. She did great. Evan, not so much. He likes to cuddle, which is nice, but I need my bed back. That is something I will have to work on. I use my swing with him. He does great in the swing. I used it a lot with Abrielle too. I love my swing. So who does he look like? I'm really not sure. Abrielle looks like her dad. It's all in the eyes. I think they both have my nose, though. Sometimes I think Evan looks like Ryan. I don't know yet. I don't think Evan and Abrielle look anything alike. I guess time will tell.

So my life has changed yet again by having another child. However, it's not over yet. In a couple of months I will be making my way to Guam. I will be leaving Hawaii and moving to Guam on November 20. The movers will be packing my things on November 15. It should arrive in Guam no later than December 27. I really hope it doesn't take that long. So I will be without a couch or a bed for quite some time. I can't say I'm looking forward to that. Well, we have been pretty lucky because Ryan has not had to go out to sea since we've lived together. He has been here with Abrielle. Now we're not so lucky. Ryan leaves today. He'll be gone for a week. They come back to Hawaii for 2 days, and then they're gone. I won't see him until November. Even though we knew this was coming, it doesn't make it any easier. The thing that is hardest about him being gone is missing out on our babies. Evan will be 3 months old the next time he sees him. I know Abrielle is going to miss him like crazy too. I guess I'll have to get used to being a single mom, also. I know I'll be fine. It will have it's challenges, but I will survive. It won't be as bad since I'm not working. I love that I can stay home with my babies. I know they are being taken care of. Even though people keep telling me to get a baby sitter so Abrielle will say more words, I wouldn't do it any different. I think staying home with my babies is more beneficial to them then sending them to a daycare or a babysitter. So please stop trying to persuade me to do otherwise. I'm not going to listen anyways. You raise your kids the way you want, and I'll raise mine the way I want. Your way isn't more right than mine and vise versa.

I've been trying to start getting things ready for the big move in November. I think I might start packing things up soon. I really hate moving. It's nice movers come and pack everything. I have to unpack everything though. Plus, my things get damaged along the way. One of the biggest challenges I will have to soon face is the actual travel to Guam. Here's the challenge. I will have to get to the airport not only with my luggage but also with my 2 children and my 2 animals. It's very likely that Ryan will not be able to come back to Hawaii once he arrives in Guam to help me move. So I have to prepare myself for the worst. I know I can get some help going to the airport. I'll have to rent a car and have a friend drive too. So once my luggage is turned in and my animals are taken care, then it's the 8 hour plane ride with 2 babies I'll have to endure. Traveling with Abrielle was challenging enough. I'm not looking forward to adding another baby to the equation. It's hard to keep Abrielle entertained the entire trip. I start having anxiety just thinking about it. Then once we arrive in Guam, it's getting off the plane and getting all of my luggage together and figuring out where to go. It's a lot of unknown. I don't like the unknown. I like being able to plan things out.

So I guess that's what my very near future holds for me. It will be challenging, but something I know I can get through. I will have to ask God for his help. I'll need patience and strength. What does the far future hold? Not sure. We can leave Guam January of 2014. Ryan's contract isn't up until August of 2014. So we could be in Guam until then. The only way we could be re stationed in January is if Ryan re-enlists and does shore duty. That would be a 3 year contract. If he doesn't re-enlist then we will be in Guam until August of 2014. It's up to him. If he does shore duty, he will probably enroll in school. I'm not sure what degree he would get. He doesn't even know. What I do know is it will be different living in Guam. I never even heard of Guam before the Navy. I hope we can travel to another country while living in Guam. We have our passports so we're ready. I'm not sure what else to say at this time. Hawaii will soon be my past and Guam will be my present. New adventures will be coming my way.

A long time ago...

It's been almost a year since I've blogged. I guess I don't have that much going on. Things are pretty much the same. Ryan and I were living in Ewa Beach which was on the west side of the island. To get anywhere of importance, we always had to plan our trips around traffic. However, avoiding traffic wasn't always possible. Ryan always hit traffic to and from work. Without traffic, it would take 30-35 minutes to get to work. With traffic, it would take 60-70 minutes to get to work. So traffic made the trip twice as long. Plus, if I needed to go to the grocery store, I had to make sure I went early enough so I wouldn't hit that after work traffic. Also, I was killing ants on a daily basis when we lived in Ewa. The homes were so old that ants lived in the walls. I bombed the house several times, I left ant traps out, I had raid out and ready constantly. Nothing kept the ants away. The airplanes flying over head were also something of a bother. A one hour show would take me almost 90 minutes to watch because I had to pause it so many times because the airplanes flying overhead made it impossible to hear.
So, because of all of these issues, we moved into navy housing. Now everything is super close. It's amazing how much gas we save. The place where we live is so nice. They're like 5-6 years old. We don't have ants ruining our food, there aren't airplanes flying constantly over our home, and it takes Ryan maybe 15 minutes to get to work. The only thing not spectacular about this place is the yard. The yard is super small for my dog. I can take him out front and throw his toy, but then there are neighbor kids who want to come over and throw the toy. I don't let them. I probably come off as the mean neighbor lady. Oh well. I don't want Niko biting a kid because he's trying to grad the toy from their hands. It's a lawsuit waiting to happen. So I'll just avoid it. We moved to housing in December. It wasn't but a week after we moved, we went home for a visit. My poor dog thought he was being abandoned. We had our friend Rick stay here and take care of our animals. At some point he had to leave, and a guy from Ryan's boat was nice enough to take care of the animals until we got home. Niko wasn't as familiar with the guy from Ryan's boat. So he had the nervous poops. Basically, he had diarrhea everywhere. It was awful. My house smelled like poop for days. The thing about housing is they have carpet in some of the living space. And of course, instead of pooping on the hard surface where it would have been much easier to clean up, Niko crapped all over the carpet. Man, what a mess. We got it cleaned up. I don't really see any stains from it.
So we haven't been here very long. We won't be staying that much longer either. In November, we will be moving to Guam. I've heard the navy housing in Guam isn't as nice as the housing in Hawaii. In Hawaii, if you have 2 children, you get a 3 bedroom. The same rules don't apply in Guam. So I think we'll be living off base. It will definitely be an adventure moving to Guam. We plan on visiting other countries while we're living there. It will actually be cheaper and closer for us to visit other countries than it would be to visit home. We're hoping to see what Australia is like. Ryan's contract is up January 2014. I'm not sure if we'll have a chance to visit more than one other country.
I had a goal of getting pregnant before the end of last year. Thankfully I was able to achieve my goal. I am now 24 weeks pregnant. We found out we're having a boy. We are both super excited about it. I told Ryan he could chose the name. Of course, I get to veto if I don't like the name. I have a name picked out. Ryan thinks he has plenty of time to pick a name. Boys don't understand how important it is for us to have a name before the baby is born. I want to know now. Ryan is so last minute. He'll pick a name the day before he's due. Since Abrielle was a c-section, I plan on having a repeat c-section. I really don't see the point in trying labor and it failing all over again just to end up getting a c-section. This pregnancy is almost exactly like the first one. Before we found out if I was having a boy or girl, I was certain it was another girl. I was wrong. I was disappointed, not because I didn't want a boy, but because I hate being wrong. The day after we found out, we went to Babys-r-us and spent gobs of money for our new little guy. It will be nice once the crib and dresser are put together. Then I can put the bedding out and prepare the room for my new little guy. While we're still living here, I'll probably keep the spare bed in his nursery, especially since we'll have company come when he's born. Once we move to Guam, I'll probably just keep the bed stored away so he can have a room all to himself. I really doubt we'll get any visitors in Guam. It is way too expensive.
In fact, we don't plan on visiting home once we move to Guam. It takes about 23 hours to fly from Guam to Fort Wayne. There is no way I'm making that trip with 2 babies. Guam is 9 hours from Hawaii. I'm already dreading the 9 hour trip. I think we might try to make a trip home before we move to Guam. If we don't, then it will be over 2 years before we see all of our family and friends. That's a long time.
After our last trip home, I'm in no hurry to make another trip home. If you're not in our situation, then you don't understand why I say that. Not only is it super expensive to fly home every few months, but the flight is long. It's even longer when you're traveling with a baby. Then once we get home, we're expected to go see everyone. Interesting. I think we made the biggest effort by traveling thousands of miles to get home. Everyone else can make the rest of the effort. Other people don't feel that way. That's why I dread going home. We get guilt trips. It's just annoying. Plus, my poor child got sick. That was no fun. So I'm telling you now, if we come home before we move to Guam, if you want to see us, we will be at our parents' houses. That's it. I might make some dinner arrangements with friends, but I'm not making personal visits to anyones house. That might sound selfish, but I really don't care.
On a happier note, Abrielle is now 15 months old. She runs around the house. It's so funny watching how fast her little legs will take her. The older she becomes, the more needy she has become. She needs to be near me all the time. I have to sit on the floor with her while she plays. Or if I'm sitting on the couch, she'll bring a toy on the couch. She's not potty trained yet. It's definitely a slow process. She still hasn't said a word yet. Everything is dada. The doctor says she'll give her a 3 month pass. If she's not saying words by her 18 month check up, the doctor wants to send her to a specialist. Geesh. The doctor gave me a handout on things to do to get her to talk. I already do almost everything on the handout. It can be a little frustrating. Abrielle understands what I'm saying. She knows where her belly is and her toes and her ears. She knows what a cat says. She knows who Niko and Loui are. She just doesn't want to call them Niko or Loui or belly or whatever. She wants to call them dada. I'm her mom. She'll eventually talk. I'm not that worried.
So I'm still working as a labor and delivery nurse. I work very part time. Lately they haven't been able to give me all the hours I sign up for. So I might work 4 hours here and 4 hours there. I still like what I do very much. My poor husband has been working 12 hour days every day. Then he has duty every 4 days. I mean, it's non-stop. Most evenings I'm not sure when he'll be home. I don't know how to plan dinner because I don't know when he'll be home. He's always tired. He needs a break. We went to the sub ball a week ago. It was fun. We got to dress up and look pretty. The ball was held at Hilton Hawaiian Ball Room. It was so nice. I think it was a good time for all of the guys to unwind.
Well, it's getting late. My mind is slowing down. I'm going to go to bed. I'll try not to wait a year before I update my blog. Hope you enjoyed reading.

Randomness

So this might be short, or it could be very long. I'm not really writing to update everyone. I'm really writing to share my random thoughts. I guess you could say I have lots of time on my hands. There is so much I think about. I think maybe I should put it out there so my brain doesn't explode. Well, I've been watching Sex and the City. Ryan got the collection for me for our anniversary. I just finished all six seasons and watched the first movie. Watching these episodes brings back so many memories. It makes me think of all the fun times I spent with my friends. I have many best friends. I know people say you can only have one best friend, but I think that is whooie. There was a time that I hung out with 3 specific girls all the time. Every weekend we were together. The only thing that changed was where the night got started. These 3 girls are Angie, April, and Liz. We were inseparable for the longest time. We did everything together and shared every secret with each other. Looking back, I just can't believe how so much has changed. My birthday is in 2 days. Back then, the evening would have been planned already. We would get together at someone's house before we went out for the evening. This year I have to go to work for 4 hours. That is so depressing to me. Fortunately, I get to spend the day with Abrielle. Then I get to spend some of the time with Ryan when he gets off work. So my plan is to celebrate both of our birthdays on Memorial Day. We both have the day off, so why not? You know, I can go a while without crying, but there are times when I think about my friends and family, and it hurts because I miss them so much. I just think it's amazing what we do and how we change for love. I love Ryan with all my heart. I would die if anything happened to him, but that doesn't change the fact that I get homesick...a lot. I don't think Ryan will ever read this, but if I shared how homesick I get with him, he would feel guilty. He would think it is all his fault. It's not his fault. I chose to move far away. I chose this life because I love him. Something brought us back together. You know, God knows everything. He knows the path we plan on taking. I really think He had a hand in getting us back together. I mean, really. If He didn't, then why do we have such a wonderful, beautiful daughter together? So Ryan, if you do read this, you need to know that I have no regrets. Just because I have no regrets doesn't mean I can't miss my family and friends. I've been told that one day family will become more important than friends. I don't see why my friends can't be considered part of that family. The friends who I have in my life who I hold near and dear to my heart will forever be there. Angie, April, Elizabeth, Cassie, Cristi, Sandra, and Laura. I love you all dearly. Each of you have played a very significant role in my life. I would never take any of it away. Some of you I have known since the 4th grade. Some of you I met through college. Some of you I met through work. However we met, I am so grateful. Can you imagine how different our lives would be if we NEVER met? I don't think I want to imagine. It hurts being away from you, but I would rather it hurt than to never have met you in the first place.
So besides having best "girl"friends in my life, I have other people who are also very close to me. This one guy has been in my life for 11 years now. I never thought we would be where we are today, but I'm so glad it came to this. Ryan is truly my best friend. He knows the best and worst parts of me and still loves me. He spoils me every chance he can get. I know I don't show my appreciation for him enough, but everyone should know that I love him with all my heart and can't imagine my life without him. I mean seriously. If anything ever happened to him, the only reason my life would continue is because I have a daughter. If Abrielle didn't exist, and something tragic happened to Ryan, my life would be over. So I really try not to think about it. I know, in my heart, that God has planned for us to live a long life together. I hope we die together in our sleep at a very, very old age. Then our spirits can go to heaven together. I love you, Ryan. So don't you forget that...ever.
So who else is important to me? Well, Dustin, you are pretty awesome. I can remember how we used to fight all the time when we were younger. I used to get you in trouble all the time. People would say when we got older we would be best of friends. Ha. We never thought it true, but look at us now. I couldn't ask for a better big brother. I love that we both had daughters so close in age. I know we don't live close, but I hope to think that one day we will live closer. I would love if our children could grow up together. I love you, bub.
Jagger, if you actually read this, you should know that I am proud to be your older sister. It's so funny to look at where you are in your life. It wasn't long ago I was in the same place. Maybe we were doing different things, but still, I remember being 16. I want nothing but the best for you. I love you, Jag.
So my grandparents are pretty awesome too. Since I got married, I gained a few grandparents. I think that's pretty awesome. When you get married, you gain more than just a husband and a different last name. I know the movies portray the spouses family as crazy, but I am lucky to have gained the people who have supported Ryan for all of his life. Thank you to all of my grandparents for being awesome.
Parents. I am now a parent. Crazy. Why is it you have to have a child before you truly appreciate how wonderful your parents are? My parents are divorced. I think divorce sucks. I never want to get divorced, especially since I've had a child, because, like I said, they suck. Even though my parents got divorced, I think they did the best they could. They both love me very much. I love them so much as well. Thank goodness for technology because this separation would be much harder without it. I'm not sure exactly what my mom and dad think about the choices I've made, but I would hope that they would be proud for the most part. Not being just a 15 minute drive away has been really hard. At least they're just a phone call away. I will take what I can get. Like I said before, when you get married, you gain more than just a husband. My in-laws are pretty awesome. They have supported us and having more people in my life who love us makes my life that much better.
So basically, I miss everyone. I miss my family. I miss my friends. Thank goodness I have Ryan and Abrielle in my life because otherwise, I'm not sure how I could get through life.
So some more random thoughts....
I've been working out maybe 4 times a week. I try to eat better as well. I'm trying to make sure my abdominal muscles get some strength back before I get pregnant again. I want to get pregnant before the end of the year. I've heard over and over again about how hard it is to lose the baby weight after the second baby and how you start showing so much sooner with the second one because your abdominal muscles are so stretched out. I really don't want that to happen to me. So I'm trying to avoid that by getting back into shape now. I want to have another baby so close to the first one because of the following: I want to have both children before I'm 30. I want to have my second child in Hawaii, not Guam. I want my children to be close in age. Do I care if I have a boy or girl? Yes and no. I know Ryan really wants to have a boy, but it doesn't really matter to me. Basically, as long as the baby is healthy, then it doesn't matter. I have some fears about having another child. My biggest fear is neglecting Abrielle. She won't get as much attention anymore. My poor dog doesn't get the attention he used to get. I know I'll love the second child just as much as Abrielle, but it still makes me nervous to have a second child because I love Abrielle so much. Does that make sense? My second biggest fear, it's kind of superficial, is that I won't be able to get back in shape as quickly as I did this time. I really don't want to let myself go. People say that having one child you think you have no time and get no sleep, but after you have a second child then your life is over. I don't want that. I think it's important to still make time for yourself. If I neglect myself, then I think I will be unhappy. An unhappy mom is not a good thing. I want to have smart babies. I want them to go to college and have a better life than I did. I'm not saying my life was bad, but there are choices I made that could have been different. I know my children will make mistakes, but I don't want them to make the same mistakes I made. I want them to be better than me.
It's so crazy that I'm taking care of a little person. She depends on me for everything. If she needs fed, I feed her. If she needs a diaper change, I change it. If she needs a bath, I give her a bath. If she didn't have me and Ryan, then what? I just can't imagine my baby girl growing up without parents. I would do anything for her. Maybe I'm weird, but I think about what I would do if some stranger broke into my home to steal my child. I could seriously see myself injuring the intruder in order to protect my baby girl. No one messes with my family. No one. So I pray that God continues to watch over us. He has given me so many wonderful things in my life. I know I haven't shown enough appreciation for him. I mean, really. Who would give their only son up so that everyone else could be forgiven? That's the biggest sacrifice. I can't imagine giving Abrielle up so some stranger can go to heaven. I'm way to selfish.
I think sometimes I could listen better. Have you ever had a conversation with someone but don't remember what it was about because you were in your own head thinking of other things? I do that all the time. That's not good. I think when others are sharing things about their lives, they deserve your attention. You would want the same from them, right? I need to try harder.
If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? I could think of several things. They're mostly superficial. How unfortunate that society has made us to think we're not perfect the way God made us to be. We think we need to change things about ourselves to be accepted by all of society. We still feel the need to change superficial things about ourselves even when we find someone who overlooks our flaws and loves us just the way we are. And who's to say they're flaws? Maybe our "flaws" aren't flaws after all. Maybe the people that lack our flaws are flawed themselves because they try too hard to be something they're not.
So what is your take on the fact that when I lived in Washington we only had one set of guests? I know we only lived there for like 4 months, but no one, besides Ryan's grandparents had any plans to come see us. Now that we live in paradise, our summer is jam packed full. So if we were still in Washington, our future visits from guests would be empty. Hmmm. What's your excuse? Washington is depressing and there's nothing to do? Um, we lived in Washington. Are we not enough of an attraction to come visit? We have to live on a beautiful island to have people come visit? Ok, so I'm just venting a little and throwing out what pops in my head. Whatever. Would I visit a friend or family member if they moved to Washington? I guess it depends on who it was.
It's crazy. Sometimes I forget I live in Hawaii until I look up when I'm driving and see the beautiful green mountains. When I see the forecast says nothing but sun, I feel like I need to take advantage of it because I'll be leaving soon, when in reality, I'll be living on an island for at least another 3 years.
If you would have told me 5 years ago I would be married to Ryan, living in Hawaii, and raising a beautiful daughter, I would have laughed. I just can't believe where my life has taken me. I think I'm pretty lucky. Not everyone gets the chance to visit Hawaii. It's the closest thing on earth to heaven. Not only is it beautiful to look at, but the weather is nearly perfect.
I think I would be fine if I was a permanent stay at home mom. I know it's "good" for me to work, but do I really have to? I don't know. I'm trying to make friends here. I hate not being able to get in my car and drive to a friends house and talk about our husbands if I want to. "Oh, you have an open personality. You'll make friends easily." Well, guess what? I haven't. I am trying to start a friendly relationship with Jessica. It's funny. I move clear across the country, across the ocean, and I'm making friends with someone who is from Indiana. What does that say about me? I don't know. We're the same? We can relate to one another because we came from the same place? Either way, her friendship is welcome.
When I encounter new people, sometimes after I go home, I replay the things I said to them. I really don't want to offend people. I think sometimes when I'm joking, people might take it the wrong way.
Who am I, and how do people perceive me? Is that really important? Maybe it's only important to do what makes you happy and be who you are when you are by yourself. I think people are really actors in their own lives. Meaning, they act how others want them to. I think people act differently around different types of people. I think they do it without realizing it. How you act when you're by yourself is probably the most real you'll be.
So you know the whole reality tv shows. What makes their lives so interesting? Maybe my current day to day life isn't interesting, but the events that led up to it are pretty fun to listen to. I think it's pathetic some people are famous and make millions of dollars just because someone else thought their life was interesting enough to put on television. Am I jealous? I'm jealous they make enough money they don't have to have a car payment.
You know, it's getting late. Sorry to have talked your ear off. I kind of needed to get things off my chest. Hope you enjoyed. Feel free to ask questions.

What do you want to know?

I'm still here, living in Hawaii with my husband, my baby girl, and my 2 furry animals. What's new? Not much is really new. Here's my average day. Abrielle wakes up around 7. I feed her and change her diaper. Then I put her on her floor toy, and she plays on that for about an hour. She then gets hungry again so of course I feed her. About this time is morning nap time. So about 9am she decides to go to sleep. Lately, her naps have varied on how long they are. Sometimes she'll take a 2-4 hour nap. Other times she'll sleep for 30 minutes to an hour. So after nap time, if it's a long one, of course she needs fed again and a diaper change. Sometime during the day I'll give her a bath. She smells so much better after a bath. I love the baby lotions I use on her. So later in the afternoon, she might take a short nap. She usually naps in her swing. I absolutely love my swing. It's amazing. At night is probably the most challenging time. She gets tired around 8ish, but she fights going to sleep. We rock her, we walk her, we try putting her in the crib, we try everything, but she fights it until the end. She finally falls to sleep around 9. She has been sleeping through the night since she was about 8 weeks old. I'd say I'm pretty lucky. The past couple of weeks she has woken up around 4 or 5 in the morning. Sometimes she'll cry a little bit then fall back to sleep. Other times I have to get up and feed her. Once I feed her and change her, I'll lie her back in her crib, and she'll fall back to sleep. I find it amazing that she'll easily go back to sleep at this time, but she fights it so much when we're trying to put her to bed. So when she's not sleeping, we spend time together. I'll sit on the couch with her and talk with her. I love seeing her smile. I'll do anything to make her smile. I can't wait to hear her laugh. I try to do tummy time with her a few times a day. She's doing so much better. She can hold her head up a lot longer, and she tolerates it longer than she did before. She actually rolls over now. The first time she rolled over she was only 2 1/2 months old. I was super proud of her. She doesn't roll over every time I put her on her belly. There have been a couple of times when she's lying on her back, and she twists her body and moves almost rolling over. I'm sure it will still be a little while before she rolls over from her back to her belly. Either way, I can't believe how time is flying. She is getting so big. I look at pictures and see the huge difference. Even though she was never really "little," she did used to be smaller. I really do try to enjoy every second with her because before I know it, she'll be a teenager talking back to me. Yikes! I am just so absolutely proud of her. I'm proud to be her mom. I love showing her off. It's amazing the things she does now that she didn't do before. I'm amazed by her every day. I'm still breast feeding. I'll probably breast feed until she's about 6 months. I'm attempting to go back to work. Since I was originally employed by a travel company and not the hospital, I have to go through the whole hiring process. It kind of sucks. I also realized I let my CPR expire. So I have to get re-certified before I get hired. That will be the longest I've been away from Abrielle. I haven't been away from her for more than a couple of hours. That's pretty bad. I only plan on going back to work part time, working 1-2 days a week. I'll work when Ryan isn't working because I don't trust strangers. I really don't want to put her in the hands of people I don't know. Going back to work will suck because I don't want to leave her, but I like being able to pay my bills. My money that I had stored up before I had her is quickly dwindling down. So I started up my workout again. I'm trying to get back in shape before I get pregnant again. I'm thinking about trying again in September of this year. I want to have my kids close in age. I want to be done having children by the time I'm 30. Also, we're moving to Guam next year in the fall or winter. I would prefer to have my next child in Hawaii. We'll see if my plans span out. I can't really think of anything else right now. I know I've talked a lot about Abrielle. That's the main thing going on in my life. So that's it.

Parenthood

So I've been a mom for 6 weeks and 2 days. How does it feel? Amazing! I would like to say that motherhood starts when you get pregnant because you start caring for that baby from the start. I know I did. I made sure I ate a decent diet. Ok, so of course I had some cookies and some ice cream and tons of crackers, but I tried. I didn't drink. Not one sip of alcohol entered my body after I saw the positive results. So anyways, to clarify, I've been a mom for about 11 months now. Yes, I'm taking the credit for that long. Why not? Well, being a mother, like I said, feels amazing. It feels natural and like I was meant to be a mom. I know that sounds corny, but it's true. When I finally got to hold my baby girl for the first time, I felt at ease. I was completely exhausted, as well. So if there was any anxiety in me, it was downplayed from my exhaustion. I think maybe being around babies my whole life had something to do with the feeling of ease. I've changed plenty of diapers in my life before Abrielle came along so that wasn't a big deal. I've never breast fed, but I had the general idea from helping my patients breast feed their babies for the first time. It also helped that Abrielle came out ready to eat. She latched on like it was her job. Of course I've held plenty of babies in my life, as well. So I didn't feel like I was going to break her. Babies aren't as fragile as people think they are. They're tough. They can handle it. I'm not saying go and throw the kid around to see if they can tough it out. I'm just saying you don't have to act like you're going to break a baby if you move them the wrong way. So basically, growing up around babies and children and working in labor and delivery, I think, helped me ease into motherhood. I don't know how I would act if I didn't have that experience. Ryan hasn't had the experience I've had, but I think he's doing well. He's good with her. He loves her to death. We both do. I really think it's amazing how God made us because just when you think your heart is full because you love so many people so much, He makes room for more. You would think when you have that much love for others, you don't have more to give out to new people, but you do. In fact, I feel like my heart wants to burst because I love my daughter so much. It's seriously one of the best feelings ever. I want to have at least one more child, but at the same time, I don't. I love Abrielle so much, I don't want another child to take away any attention I have to give to Abrielle. I want to make sure I love any other child just as much. I don't see how that's possible. I know it is, I'm just throwing my thoughts out there. I know you love your children equally. You love them in different ways. If parents loved each child they had less than the one before, I don't think they would have more than one child. It's just I have so much love for Abrielle, how could I possibly love another child this much? I guess it's like I said before. God gave us expandable hearts.
So it's been 6 weeks and 2 days. I wouldn't say I've lost lots of sleep. Sure, the first few weeks were a little rough, and I still have some rough days now and then, but for the most part, I get plenty of sleep. She's actually been sleeping anywhere from 6-8 hours a night. Not bad at all. The first night I brought her home, I got no sleep at all. I think she was up every hour wanting to eat. I was so tired. Thankfully my mom and in-laws were still here. They watched her so I could take a morning nap. Naps are wonderful. I've been loving naps even more since I was pregnant. I was actually more exhausted while being pregnant than I am now. I'm sure it helps that I don't work. If I had to get up and go to work, I would probably be begging for sleep. We've gotten into a routine. So she'll wake up in the morning around 5 or 6. I change her diaper, and then bring her in with me. I feed her then we take a morning nap together. So then I get up around 9. We hang out. I put her on the floor on her floor toy. She entertains herself while I make myself some breakfast so I don't pass out from lack of food. Then she eventually wants to eat again so I will feed her. I usually have to change a dirty diaper once or twice before she falls back to sleep again. I'll put her in her swing, and she'll swing away for several hours before waking up again. While she's sleeping, I try to get things done around the house. I'll clean the house or do some laundry or watch my shows or whatever. She gets good sleep time in that swing. I love it! I try to do some "education time" with her every day. While she sits with me, I'll tell her where her nose and eyes are, and we'll sing our abc's or count to ten. I also have a book that's called "First Words." I'll read this book with her. The book says for 9 months and up, but I don't think there's any harm in starting now.
So when Abrielle isn't sleeping, she's eating. If she's not eating, I'm changing her diaper. Let me tell you. This child of mine poops like crazy. Seriously. I don't know how many poopy diapers I change a day. There have been times where I go through 3 diapers in one diaper change. I'll get the poopy diaper out from under her, put the clean diaper under her, then she coughs or sneezes and more poop comes out. I mean, come on. Thank goodness for oxiclean because otherwise, I would have a lot of pooped stained clothes/blankets/changing pad cover etc on my hands. I think Abrielle gets more gasy at night. After feeding her and making sure her diaper is clean, she'll cry and cry and cry. Then the poop comes. She gets so mad. We'll be changing her diaper, and she continues to cry. She's crying so hard because she's so mad that more poop comes out. We kind of have to let her sit there until we think she's done. Otherwise, we'll go through more diapers than needed in one diaper change. I bought the gas medicine for her. It seems to help sometimes. Other times I think she likes to hear herself cry. She is a little drama queen. I think we're in trouble if she's starting it already. At night, when it's close to bedtime, she takes forever to go to sleep. Her eyes will be half closed, and she refuses to go to sleep. I don't know what she thinks she'll miss out on if she goes to bed. We just want to go to bed also. She's been going to bed around 10 or 10:30. Then she'll get up around 5 or 6. Then we start all over again.
I'm also learning when Ryan and I should eat dinner. Too many times we sit down to eat, and then she wakes up and wants fed. So I either have to scarf down my food or reheat it. So I've learned to make dinner earlier. We were eating dinner around 6is. Now we eat an hour earlier so we can actually enjoy our meal hot.
So basically things are going well. Ryan is changing diapers. Of course he tries to get out of it more than he should, but he's doing his part. There's been a few times where he's gotten pooped on or majorly spit up on. I have to laugh when this happens. He was sitting on the couch one night with Abrielle in his lap. She started pooping. You can usually hear when she's pooping. Ryan waited to make sure she was done. Not sure exactly what he was doing, but at one point he felt his shirt and asked me to turn on the light. When I did, we saw a spot of poop on his shirt. I was laughing so hard. It took me a minute to get up and get Abrielle because it was so funny. Oh, poor Ryan. Welcome to fatherhood.
I love playing dress up with Abrielle. She has the cutest clothes, and she looks adorable in everything she wears. I love putting matching bows in her hair. The cuteness just beams off of her. I love it. I'm sure she's thrilled too. I can't wait until I can paint her toenails. The joy of having a girl. I told Ryan the other day that I think we're going to have all girls. He thought that was mean to say. I think it's funny. Of course I would like to have a boy, but you can't make it to be a boy. I've also become one of those parents that constantly takes pictures of their children. It will probably only get worse as she gets older because she'll start doing more cute things. When she started smiling, oh goodness, I was all over it with my camera. I make sure my camera is close at all times. I want to capture every moment. Time really does go by fast. I'm really trying to enjoy every moment of it.
I will admit I have gotten frustrated. Sometimes when she's crying, and I can't calm her down, I do get a little frustrated. I hate not knowing what's wrong. She can only cry, she can't tell me her belly hurts. So I go put her in her crib so I can take a breather. Then I go get her, and then she's fine. I don't know. It's weird. I haven't had to do that in a while. She hasn't cried non-stop like that for a while. There was a time where she wouldn't go to sleep unless someone was holding her. It's not so much like that anymore. During the day, if she's fussy, and I know it's because she's tired, I'll put her in her swing, and she goes right to sleep. At night, I get her to the point where she's basically sleeping while I'm holding her. Then I put her in her crib, and somehow she wakes up. I let her lie there, and she eventually falls to sleep. Unfortunately, when she wakes up in the middle of the night, she doesn't fall right back to sleep. She's usually awake for an hour. So I will hold her or put her in her swing. She gets to the point where she's ready to go back to sleep so I can put her back in the crib, and she'll eventually go back to dreamworld.
I'm never board with her. Just looking at her makes me smile. When she's sleeping, she makes noises. When I'm changing her diaper, (I told you I change lots of diapers) or changing her clothes, she makes grunting noises. It's like she's doing all of the work. It makes me laugh. My animals are used to her being around. Loui, my cat, never really cared too much. As long as he gets fed, he's good. He has sniffed her and her things, but that's about it. He doesn't go out of his way to see her. Niko did lots of sniffing. I was never worried how he would be. I knew he wouldn't hurt her. For a few weeks he would get real anxious when she cried. He would pace around the house. Now he's kind of used to it. Sometimes the way he looks at me it's like he's begging for me to make her stop crying. I've tried to make sure my animals get the attention they need. Like I said, Loui is fine as long as his bowl has food in it. Niko is the one who gets jealous. I know he doesn't get the attention he once got, but I try to make sure he's not completely ignored. He's still my baby.
Well, I think I've said enough. I'm loving life right now. I live in a beautiful place. I'm married to a wonderful guy. I have the most beautiful baby. What else could I ask for? God has blessed me, and I don't thank Him enough. So if you have questions, just ask. Until next time...

Pregnancy, Labor and Delivery, and so much more!

I've had a couple requests about the details of my labor and all that goes with it. So here it is. Hope you're ready. Grab yourself some popcorn, sit back, and relax.

So I discovered I was pregnant pretty early along. Ryan and I had discussed having children and decided to put it in the hands of God. So apparently, God decided to bless us with a baby sooner rather than later. I remember being at work the night I found out. I never expected the results I got. I was just curious to see if I was pregnant or not. I knew there was a possibility. I decided to take a pregnancy test. When I saw the second pink line appear, I couldn't believe my eyes. So I took another one. The pink line seemed to appear even fast the second time around. It was around 11pm. I knew Ryan was at home in bed, but I couldn't wait to tell him. So I called him and told him the news. Of course he didn't believe me. He still didn't believe me when I brought home the positive pregnancy test. He still didn't believe me when I bought a pregnancy test from the store and showed him the positive results. He was in shock and denial. It really didn't sink in until my first ultrasound. I was 12 weeks pregnant. I have to admit, I was pretty nervous. I didn't feel or look pregnant at all. I was beginning to think maybe I was going crazy. Maybe I believed I was pregnant so much that my brain led my body to act pregnant. My worries were set at ease when I finally saw her on the screen. Ryan FINALLY believed me when he saw her on the screen. It was so amazing. I loved the look on Ryan's face. He was in such awe. From then on, it was all about baby.
So basically I sailed through pregnancy. I didn't experience all the "normal" pregnancy symptoms. I never got morning sickness, I never really felt uncomfortable. I really actually enjoyed the entire pregnancy. I think the only "symptom" I experienced was fatigue. Daily naps were pretty much a necessity. Other than that, it was great. I was 16 weeks pregnant when I felt her move for the first time. Of course, I didn't know it was her moving. I thought it was a muscle twitching, but when it kept occurring over and over, I knew it was her. I absolutely loved feeling her move. That was the most amazing part of being pregnant. I felt such a huge bond with my baby. I was always poking my belly to try and figure out which part of my baby I was touching. She really enjoyed resting on the right side of my uterus. Her butt was always up in my ribs. If I nudged her she would nudge back. It was great. Plus, I didn't start showing until I was about 22 weeks pregnant. Funny thing, it came to a point where when I started gaining weight, it was non-stop. When I started really showing, I just bloomed. I didn't stop growing until the day she was born. I couldn't believe how big I was getting. I only wanted to gain 25 lbs. Well, I clearly gained more than that. Even though I was the biggest I've ever been in my entire life, I was still enjoying pregnancy. I may not have enjoyed hearing how huge I was from everyone, but I guess it was kind of true. I will also admit that when the end was near, I was getting anxious. Also, my feet, ankles, and hands started to swell. After I hit 40 weeks, I thought the day would never arrive. Being pregnant still wasn't an inconvenience for me, I was just ready to meet my baby girl. I had predicted earlier on that I would go a week over, have to be induced, have a 3 day induction, make it to 10 cm, push for 3 hours, then have to have a c-section. It's the curse of the nurse. I was ready for it.
So that was my pregnancy. Easy sailing for the most part. Then came the labor. I wish I could say my labor was just as easy. So January 12, at 3:15am, I got up to the restroom and felt a huge goosh of warm fluid rush down my legs. I was thinking at first that I was peeing myself. So I changed my pants and went back to bed. An hour later I got up to the restroom again and felt another huge goosh of warm fluid. At this point I knew I didn't pee myself. Instead, my water broke. I wasn't contracting regularly at the time, and they weren't painful. I decided to wake Ryan up to give him the news. I wanted to go back to sleep, but both Ryan and I had some adrenaline going. I sent out a mass text to let everyone know in Ft Wayne that my labor was starting, and I would update them later. My mom and Ryan's parents were with us and still asleep. I had decided to wait until they woke up to tell them. So everyone finally got up. They were all excited and ready to rush to the hospital. I still wasn't ready. I decided to eat some breakfast and take a shower. I then made sure my bag was packed. My contractions didn't really become more regular until around 7. They still weren't terribly painful either. I wanted to labor at home as long as possible. Eventually my contractions were anywhere from 3-5 minutes apart and getting pretty painful. Everyone in the house was just jumping to go. I was still trying to be patient and breathe through it. The clock kept rolling and contractions kept coming. I had decided around 12:30ish to go to the hospital because I didn't want to fight the traffic. The drive to the hospital was a challenge. Every bump and turn intensified the contractions.
So when I finally arrived to the hospital around 1:00pm, I was only 3cm dilated. However, my cervix was almost completely thinned out. Baby was still very high in the pelvis. My contractions were 2-3 minutes apart and very painful. When I was finally admitted to a room, the nurse suggested I get in the jacuzzi tub. This was a wonderful suggestion. I was able to relax a little. The contractions were still painful, but the jets eased them slightly. There came a time when I was contracting every 1.5-2 minutes apart. I wasn't getting much rest. You would have thought my cervix was changing drastically. However, when they checked my cervix around 5, I hadn't changed very much at all. I think at that time my cervix was maybe 4cm. For the next several hours I was in and out of the tub. I was hanging in there the best I could. Ryan was an awesome coach. I wanted to give up. He kept me strong. I kept breathing through the contractions and hoping something was happening. I will admit a few swear words slipped out every now and then. I think the next time my cervix was checked was around 8pm. At that time my cervix made it to 6cm. However, baby girl was still pretty high. So I still did my thing, breathing through the contractions and utilizing the tub as much as possible. The time came when the doctor wanted to check my progress again. It was around 11pm. I was still 6cm. Oh my gosh. I knew this was going to happen. They had also placed an IUPC which is a tube they place in the uterus to monitor the actual strength of contractions. My contractions weren't strong enough to change my cervix. The doctor wanted to start pitocin and said the tub was no longer an option. After contracting for 16 hours without much rest in between each one, I had decided to get an epidural. I was devastated. I wanted nothing more than to make it through without an epidural. The idea that my contractions were going to get even stronger and more painful once the pitocin was started seemed impossible to handle. I was so exhausted and couldn't imagine my contractions getting any worse. Plus, I had this feeling in the back of my head that I wasn't going to progress much with the pitocin.
So yes, I gave in and got the epidural. I took a nap after the pain was completely gone. After resting for a few hours, they rechecked my cervix. I believe I dilated to 7cm. The doctor said he was going to give it a few more hours because my contractions still weren't strong enough to make a big enough difference in my cervix. At least I was pain free at this point. I was so pain free I couldn't move my legs. At one point Ryan was poking my foot, and I couldn't even feel it. So I rested some more. A few hours later the doctor came back. I knew my cervix was going to be the same, and to my families surprise, not mine, I was the same. He then told me a c-section was going to need to be done. It was around 6am on 1-13-11. I had been in labor for over 24 hours. I had come to terms with a c-section about 6 hours before they told me it was going to happen.
So finally around 9am, they were ready to take me back. Lying on the operating table was weird. I was used to being the nurse and seeing it from the other view. Now I was actually the patient. When everything started, I knew what they were doing. I could visualize it all. They brought Ryan in to sit beside me. I think he was way more nervous than I was. Actually, I was just ready to be done. Finally at 9:43am my baby girl was born. She came out crying. I couldn't wait to hold her in my arms. It was the best feeling ever to know she was in the world, and she was healthy and happy. She weighed 8lbs 14.6oz and was 19 1/2 inches long. My baby girl was a big baby. I can't believe I was carrying around such a large baby. Amazing.
Things are so different now. I live for a whole new person now. She's the most amazing thing I've ever done. I love her to death. Abrielle Christine Edwards is my baby.
So basically, I made it through. It was long, it was hard, but it was so worth it. I hope everyone enjoyed my long blog. Any questions, just let me know.