It's been almost a year since I've blogged. I guess I don't have that much going on. Things are pretty much the same. Ryan and I were living in Ewa Beach which was on the west side of the island. To get anywhere of importance, we always had to plan our trips around traffic. However, avoiding traffic wasn't always possible. Ryan always hit traffic to and from work. Without traffic, it would take 30-35 minutes to get to work. With traffic, it would take 60-70 minutes to get to work. So traffic made the trip twice as long. Plus, if I needed to go to the grocery store, I had to make sure I went early enough so I wouldn't hit that after work traffic. Also, I was killing ants on a daily basis when we lived in Ewa. The homes were so old that ants lived in the walls. I bombed the house several times, I left ant traps out, I had raid out and ready constantly. Nothing kept the ants away. The airplanes flying over head were also something of a bother. A one hour show would take me almost 90 minutes to watch because I had to pause it so many times because the airplanes flying overhead made it impossible to hear.
So, because of all of these issues, we moved into navy housing. Now everything is super close. It's amazing how much gas we save. The place where we live is so nice. They're like 5-6 years old. We don't have ants ruining our food, there aren't airplanes flying constantly over our home, and it takes Ryan maybe 15 minutes to get to work. The only thing not spectacular about this place is the yard. The yard is super small for my dog. I can take him out front and throw his toy, but then there are neighbor kids who want to come over and throw the toy. I don't let them. I probably come off as the mean neighbor lady. Oh well. I don't want Niko biting a kid because he's trying to grad the toy from their hands. It's a lawsuit waiting to happen. So I'll just avoid it. We moved to housing in December. It wasn't but a week after we moved, we went home for a visit. My poor dog thought he was being abandoned. We had our friend Rick stay here and take care of our animals. At some point he had to leave, and a guy from Ryan's boat was nice enough to take care of the animals until we got home. Niko wasn't as familiar with the guy from Ryan's boat. So he had the nervous poops. Basically, he had diarrhea everywhere. It was awful. My house smelled like poop for days. The thing about housing is they have carpet in some of the living space. And of course, instead of pooping on the hard surface where it would have been much easier to clean up, Niko crapped all over the carpet. Man, what a mess. We got it cleaned up. I don't really see any stains from it.
So we haven't been here very long. We won't be staying that much longer either. In November, we will be moving to Guam. I've heard the navy housing in Guam isn't as nice as the housing in Hawaii. In Hawaii, if you have 2 children, you get a 3 bedroom. The same rules don't apply in Guam. So I think we'll be living off base. It will definitely be an adventure moving to Guam. We plan on visiting other countries while we're living there. It will actually be cheaper and closer for us to visit other countries than it would be to visit home. We're hoping to see what Australia is like. Ryan's contract is up January 2014. I'm not sure if we'll have a chance to visit more than one other country.
I had a goal of getting pregnant before the end of last year. Thankfully I was able to achieve my goal. I am now 24 weeks pregnant. We found out we're having a boy. We are both super excited about it. I told Ryan he could chose the name. Of course, I get to veto if I don't like the name. I have a name picked out. Ryan thinks he has plenty of time to pick a name. Boys don't understand how important it is for us to have a name before the baby is born. I want to know now. Ryan is so last minute. He'll pick a name the day before he's due. Since Abrielle was a c-section, I plan on having a repeat c-section. I really don't see the point in trying labor and it failing all over again just to end up getting a c-section. This pregnancy is almost exactly like the first one. Before we found out if I was having a boy or girl, I was certain it was another girl. I was wrong. I was disappointed, not because I didn't want a boy, but because I hate being wrong. The day after we found out, we went to Babys-r-us and spent gobs of money for our new little guy. It will be nice once the crib and dresser are put together. Then I can put the bedding out and prepare the room for my new little guy. While we're still living here, I'll probably keep the spare bed in his nursery, especially since we'll have company come when he's born. Once we move to Guam, I'll probably just keep the bed stored away so he can have a room all to himself. I really doubt we'll get any visitors in Guam. It is way too expensive.
In fact, we don't plan on visiting home once we move to Guam. It takes about 23 hours to fly from Guam to Fort Wayne. There is no way I'm making that trip with 2 babies. Guam is 9 hours from Hawaii. I'm already dreading the 9 hour trip. I think we might try to make a trip home before we move to Guam. If we don't, then it will be over 2 years before we see all of our family and friends. That's a long time.
After our last trip home, I'm in no hurry to make another trip home. If you're not in our situation, then you don't understand why I say that. Not only is it super expensive to fly home every few months, but the flight is long. It's even longer when you're traveling with a baby. Then once we get home, we're expected to go see everyone. Interesting. I think we made the biggest effort by traveling thousands of miles to get home. Everyone else can make the rest of the effort. Other people don't feel that way. That's why I dread going home. We get guilt trips. It's just annoying. Plus, my poor child got sick. That was no fun. So I'm telling you now, if we come home before we move to Guam, if you want to see us, we will be at our parents' houses. That's it. I might make some dinner arrangements with friends, but I'm not making personal visits to anyones house. That might sound selfish, but I really don't care.
On a happier note, Abrielle is now 15 months old. She runs around the house. It's so funny watching how fast her little legs will take her. The older she becomes, the more needy she has become. She needs to be near me all the time. I have to sit on the floor with her while she plays. Or if I'm sitting on the couch, she'll bring a toy on the couch. She's not potty trained yet. It's definitely a slow process. She still hasn't said a word yet. Everything is dada. The doctor says she'll give her a 3 month pass. If she's not saying words by her 18 month check up, the doctor wants to send her to a specialist. Geesh. The doctor gave me a handout on things to do to get her to talk. I already do almost everything on the handout. It can be a little frustrating. Abrielle understands what I'm saying. She knows where her belly is and her toes and her ears. She knows what a cat says. She knows who Niko and Loui are. She just doesn't want to call them Niko or Loui or belly or whatever. She wants to call them dada. I'm her mom. She'll eventually talk. I'm not that worried.
So I'm still working as a labor and delivery nurse. I work very part time. Lately they haven't been able to give me all the hours I sign up for. So I might work 4 hours here and 4 hours there. I still like what I do very much. My poor husband has been working 12 hour days every day. Then he has duty every 4 days. I mean, it's non-stop. Most evenings I'm not sure when he'll be home. I don't know how to plan dinner because I don't know when he'll be home. He's always tired. He needs a break. We went to the sub ball a week ago. It was fun. We got to dress up and look pretty. The ball was held at Hilton Hawaiian Ball Room. It was so nice. I think it was a good time for all of the guys to unwind.
Well, it's getting late. My mind is slowing down. I'm going to go to bed. I'll try not to wait a year before I update my blog. Hope you enjoyed reading.
Sunday, April 22, 2012
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Randomness
So this might be short, or it could be very long. I'm not really writing to update everyone. I'm really writing to share my random thoughts. I guess you could say I have lots of time on my hands. There is so much I think about. I think maybe I should put it out there so my brain doesn't explode. Well, I've been watching Sex and the City. Ryan got the collection for me for our anniversary. I just finished all six seasons and watched the first movie. Watching these episodes brings back so many memories. It makes me think of all the fun times I spent with my friends. I have many best friends. I know people say you can only have one best friend, but I think that is whooie. There was a time that I hung out with 3 specific girls all the time. Every weekend we were together. The only thing that changed was where the night got started. These 3 girls are Angie, April, and Liz. We were inseparable for the longest time. We did everything together and shared every secret with each other. Looking back, I just can't believe how so much has changed. My birthday is in 2 days. Back then, the evening would have been planned already. We would get together at someone's house before we went out for the evening. This year I have to go to work for 4 hours. That is so depressing to me. Fortunately, I get to spend the day with Abrielle. Then I get to spend some of the time with Ryan when he gets off work. So my plan is to celebrate both of our birthdays on Memorial Day. We both have the day off, so why not? You know, I can go a while without crying, but there are times when I think about my friends and family, and it hurts because I miss them so much. I just think it's amazing what we do and how we change for love. I love Ryan with all my heart. I would die if anything happened to him, but that doesn't change the fact that I get homesick...a lot. I don't think Ryan will ever read this, but if I shared how homesick I get with him, he would feel guilty. He would think it is all his fault. It's not his fault. I chose to move far away. I chose this life because I love him. Something brought us back together. You know, God knows everything. He knows the path we plan on taking. I really think He had a hand in getting us back together. I mean, really. If He didn't, then why do we have such a wonderful, beautiful daughter together? So Ryan, if you do read this, you need to know that I have no regrets. Just because I have no regrets doesn't mean I can't miss my family and friends. I've been told that one day family will become more important than friends. I don't see why my friends can't be considered part of that family. The friends who I have in my life who I hold near and dear to my heart will forever be there. Angie, April, Elizabeth, Cassie, Cristi, Sandra, and Laura. I love you all dearly. Each of you have played a very significant role in my life. I would never take any of it away. Some of you I have known since the 4th grade. Some of you I met through college. Some of you I met through work. However we met, I am so grateful. Can you imagine how different our lives would be if we NEVER met? I don't think I want to imagine. It hurts being away from you, but I would rather it hurt than to never have met you in the first place.
So besides having best "girl"friends in my life, I have other people who are also very close to me. This one guy has been in my life for 11 years now. I never thought we would be where we are today, but I'm so glad it came to this. Ryan is truly my best friend. He knows the best and worst parts of me and still loves me. He spoils me every chance he can get. I know I don't show my appreciation for him enough, but everyone should know that I love him with all my heart and can't imagine my life without him. I mean seriously. If anything ever happened to him, the only reason my life would continue is because I have a daughter. If Abrielle didn't exist, and something tragic happened to Ryan, my life would be over. So I really try not to think about it. I know, in my heart, that God has planned for us to live a long life together. I hope we die together in our sleep at a very, very old age. Then our spirits can go to heaven together. I love you, Ryan. So don't you forget that...ever.
So who else is important to me? Well, Dustin, you are pretty awesome. I can remember how we used to fight all the time when we were younger. I used to get you in trouble all the time. People would say when we got older we would be best of friends. Ha. We never thought it true, but look at us now. I couldn't ask for a better big brother. I love that we both had daughters so close in age. I know we don't live close, but I hope to think that one day we will live closer. I would love if our children could grow up together. I love you, bub.
Jagger, if you actually read this, you should know that I am proud to be your older sister. It's so funny to look at where you are in your life. It wasn't long ago I was in the same place. Maybe we were doing different things, but still, I remember being 16. I want nothing but the best for you. I love you, Jag.
So my grandparents are pretty awesome too. Since I got married, I gained a few grandparents. I think that's pretty awesome. When you get married, you gain more than just a husband and a different last name. I know the movies portray the spouses family as crazy, but I am lucky to have gained the people who have supported Ryan for all of his life. Thank you to all of my grandparents for being awesome.
Parents. I am now a parent. Crazy. Why is it you have to have a child before you truly appreciate how wonderful your parents are? My parents are divorced. I think divorce sucks. I never want to get divorced, especially since I've had a child, because, like I said, they suck. Even though my parents got divorced, I think they did the best they could. They both love me very much. I love them so much as well. Thank goodness for technology because this separation would be much harder without it. I'm not sure exactly what my mom and dad think about the choices I've made, but I would hope that they would be proud for the most part. Not being just a 15 minute drive away has been really hard. At least they're just a phone call away. I will take what I can get. Like I said before, when you get married, you gain more than just a husband. My in-laws are pretty awesome. They have supported us and having more people in my life who love us makes my life that much better.
So basically, I miss everyone. I miss my family. I miss my friends. Thank goodness I have Ryan and Abrielle in my life because otherwise, I'm not sure how I could get through life.
So some more random thoughts....
I've been working out maybe 4 times a week. I try to eat better as well. I'm trying to make sure my abdominal muscles get some strength back before I get pregnant again. I want to get pregnant before the end of the year. I've heard over and over again about how hard it is to lose the baby weight after the second baby and how you start showing so much sooner with the second one because your abdominal muscles are so stretched out. I really don't want that to happen to me. So I'm trying to avoid that by getting back into shape now. I want to have another baby so close to the first one because of the following: I want to have both children before I'm 30. I want to have my second child in Hawaii, not Guam. I want my children to be close in age. Do I care if I have a boy or girl? Yes and no. I know Ryan really wants to have a boy, but it doesn't really matter to me. Basically, as long as the baby is healthy, then it doesn't matter. I have some fears about having another child. My biggest fear is neglecting Abrielle. She won't get as much attention anymore. My poor dog doesn't get the attention he used to get. I know I'll love the second child just as much as Abrielle, but it still makes me nervous to have a second child because I love Abrielle so much. Does that make sense? My second biggest fear, it's kind of superficial, is that I won't be able to get back in shape as quickly as I did this time. I really don't want to let myself go. People say that having one child you think you have no time and get no sleep, but after you have a second child then your life is over. I don't want that. I think it's important to still make time for yourself. If I neglect myself, then I think I will be unhappy. An unhappy mom is not a good thing. I want to have smart babies. I want them to go to college and have a better life than I did. I'm not saying my life was bad, but there are choices I made that could have been different. I know my children will make mistakes, but I don't want them to make the same mistakes I made. I want them to be better than me.
It's so crazy that I'm taking care of a little person. She depends on me for everything. If she needs fed, I feed her. If she needs a diaper change, I change it. If she needs a bath, I give her a bath. If she didn't have me and Ryan, then what? I just can't imagine my baby girl growing up without parents. I would do anything for her. Maybe I'm weird, but I think about what I would do if some stranger broke into my home to steal my child. I could seriously see myself injuring the intruder in order to protect my baby girl. No one messes with my family. No one. So I pray that God continues to watch over us. He has given me so many wonderful things in my life. I know I haven't shown enough appreciation for him. I mean, really. Who would give their only son up so that everyone else could be forgiven? That's the biggest sacrifice. I can't imagine giving Abrielle up so some stranger can go to heaven. I'm way to selfish.
I think sometimes I could listen better. Have you ever had a conversation with someone but don't remember what it was about because you were in your own head thinking of other things? I do that all the time. That's not good. I think when others are sharing things about their lives, they deserve your attention. You would want the same from them, right? I need to try harder.
If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? I could think of several things. They're mostly superficial. How unfortunate that society has made us to think we're not perfect the way God made us to be. We think we need to change things about ourselves to be accepted by all of society. We still feel the need to change superficial things about ourselves even when we find someone who overlooks our flaws and loves us just the way we are. And who's to say they're flaws? Maybe our "flaws" aren't flaws after all. Maybe the people that lack our flaws are flawed themselves because they try too hard to be something they're not.
So what is your take on the fact that when I lived in Washington we only had one set of guests? I know we only lived there for like 4 months, but no one, besides Ryan's grandparents had any plans to come see us. Now that we live in paradise, our summer is jam packed full. So if we were still in Washington, our future visits from guests would be empty. Hmmm. What's your excuse? Washington is depressing and there's nothing to do? Um, we lived in Washington. Are we not enough of an attraction to come visit? We have to live on a beautiful island to have people come visit? Ok, so I'm just venting a little and throwing out what pops in my head. Whatever. Would I visit a friend or family member if they moved to Washington? I guess it depends on who it was.
It's crazy. Sometimes I forget I live in Hawaii until I look up when I'm driving and see the beautiful green mountains. When I see the forecast says nothing but sun, I feel like I need to take advantage of it because I'll be leaving soon, when in reality, I'll be living on an island for at least another 3 years.
If you would have told me 5 years ago I would be married to Ryan, living in Hawaii, and raising a beautiful daughter, I would have laughed. I just can't believe where my life has taken me. I think I'm pretty lucky. Not everyone gets the chance to visit Hawaii. It's the closest thing on earth to heaven. Not only is it beautiful to look at, but the weather is nearly perfect.
I think I would be fine if I was a permanent stay at home mom. I know it's "good" for me to work, but do I really have to? I don't know. I'm trying to make friends here. I hate not being able to get in my car and drive to a friends house and talk about our husbands if I want to. "Oh, you have an open personality. You'll make friends easily." Well, guess what? I haven't. I am trying to start a friendly relationship with Jessica. It's funny. I move clear across the country, across the ocean, and I'm making friends with someone who is from Indiana. What does that say about me? I don't know. We're the same? We can relate to one another because we came from the same place? Either way, her friendship is welcome.
When I encounter new people, sometimes after I go home, I replay the things I said to them. I really don't want to offend people. I think sometimes when I'm joking, people might take it the wrong way.
Who am I, and how do people perceive me? Is that really important? Maybe it's only important to do what makes you happy and be who you are when you are by yourself. I think people are really actors in their own lives. Meaning, they act how others want them to. I think people act differently around different types of people. I think they do it without realizing it. How you act when you're by yourself is probably the most real you'll be.
So you know the whole reality tv shows. What makes their lives so interesting? Maybe my current day to day life isn't interesting, but the events that led up to it are pretty fun to listen to. I think it's pathetic some people are famous and make millions of dollars just because someone else thought their life was interesting enough to put on television. Am I jealous? I'm jealous they make enough money they don't have to have a car payment.
You know, it's getting late. Sorry to have talked your ear off. I kind of needed to get things off my chest. Hope you enjoyed. Feel free to ask questions.
So besides having best "girl"friends in my life, I have other people who are also very close to me. This one guy has been in my life for 11 years now. I never thought we would be where we are today, but I'm so glad it came to this. Ryan is truly my best friend. He knows the best and worst parts of me and still loves me. He spoils me every chance he can get. I know I don't show my appreciation for him enough, but everyone should know that I love him with all my heart and can't imagine my life without him. I mean seriously. If anything ever happened to him, the only reason my life would continue is because I have a daughter. If Abrielle didn't exist, and something tragic happened to Ryan, my life would be over. So I really try not to think about it. I know, in my heart, that God has planned for us to live a long life together. I hope we die together in our sleep at a very, very old age. Then our spirits can go to heaven together. I love you, Ryan. So don't you forget that...ever.
So who else is important to me? Well, Dustin, you are pretty awesome. I can remember how we used to fight all the time when we were younger. I used to get you in trouble all the time. People would say when we got older we would be best of friends. Ha. We never thought it true, but look at us now. I couldn't ask for a better big brother. I love that we both had daughters so close in age. I know we don't live close, but I hope to think that one day we will live closer. I would love if our children could grow up together. I love you, bub.
Jagger, if you actually read this, you should know that I am proud to be your older sister. It's so funny to look at where you are in your life. It wasn't long ago I was in the same place. Maybe we were doing different things, but still, I remember being 16. I want nothing but the best for you. I love you, Jag.
So my grandparents are pretty awesome too. Since I got married, I gained a few grandparents. I think that's pretty awesome. When you get married, you gain more than just a husband and a different last name. I know the movies portray the spouses family as crazy, but I am lucky to have gained the people who have supported Ryan for all of his life. Thank you to all of my grandparents for being awesome.
Parents. I am now a parent. Crazy. Why is it you have to have a child before you truly appreciate how wonderful your parents are? My parents are divorced. I think divorce sucks. I never want to get divorced, especially since I've had a child, because, like I said, they suck. Even though my parents got divorced, I think they did the best they could. They both love me very much. I love them so much as well. Thank goodness for technology because this separation would be much harder without it. I'm not sure exactly what my mom and dad think about the choices I've made, but I would hope that they would be proud for the most part. Not being just a 15 minute drive away has been really hard. At least they're just a phone call away. I will take what I can get. Like I said before, when you get married, you gain more than just a husband. My in-laws are pretty awesome. They have supported us and having more people in my life who love us makes my life that much better.
So basically, I miss everyone. I miss my family. I miss my friends. Thank goodness I have Ryan and Abrielle in my life because otherwise, I'm not sure how I could get through life.
So some more random thoughts....
I've been working out maybe 4 times a week. I try to eat better as well. I'm trying to make sure my abdominal muscles get some strength back before I get pregnant again. I want to get pregnant before the end of the year. I've heard over and over again about how hard it is to lose the baby weight after the second baby and how you start showing so much sooner with the second one because your abdominal muscles are so stretched out. I really don't want that to happen to me. So I'm trying to avoid that by getting back into shape now. I want to have another baby so close to the first one because of the following: I want to have both children before I'm 30. I want to have my second child in Hawaii, not Guam. I want my children to be close in age. Do I care if I have a boy or girl? Yes and no. I know Ryan really wants to have a boy, but it doesn't really matter to me. Basically, as long as the baby is healthy, then it doesn't matter. I have some fears about having another child. My biggest fear is neglecting Abrielle. She won't get as much attention anymore. My poor dog doesn't get the attention he used to get. I know I'll love the second child just as much as Abrielle, but it still makes me nervous to have a second child because I love Abrielle so much. Does that make sense? My second biggest fear, it's kind of superficial, is that I won't be able to get back in shape as quickly as I did this time. I really don't want to let myself go. People say that having one child you think you have no time and get no sleep, but after you have a second child then your life is over. I don't want that. I think it's important to still make time for yourself. If I neglect myself, then I think I will be unhappy. An unhappy mom is not a good thing. I want to have smart babies. I want them to go to college and have a better life than I did. I'm not saying my life was bad, but there are choices I made that could have been different. I know my children will make mistakes, but I don't want them to make the same mistakes I made. I want them to be better than me.
It's so crazy that I'm taking care of a little person. She depends on me for everything. If she needs fed, I feed her. If she needs a diaper change, I change it. If she needs a bath, I give her a bath. If she didn't have me and Ryan, then what? I just can't imagine my baby girl growing up without parents. I would do anything for her. Maybe I'm weird, but I think about what I would do if some stranger broke into my home to steal my child. I could seriously see myself injuring the intruder in order to protect my baby girl. No one messes with my family. No one. So I pray that God continues to watch over us. He has given me so many wonderful things in my life. I know I haven't shown enough appreciation for him. I mean, really. Who would give their only son up so that everyone else could be forgiven? That's the biggest sacrifice. I can't imagine giving Abrielle up so some stranger can go to heaven. I'm way to selfish.
I think sometimes I could listen better. Have you ever had a conversation with someone but don't remember what it was about because you were in your own head thinking of other things? I do that all the time. That's not good. I think when others are sharing things about their lives, they deserve your attention. You would want the same from them, right? I need to try harder.
If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? I could think of several things. They're mostly superficial. How unfortunate that society has made us to think we're not perfect the way God made us to be. We think we need to change things about ourselves to be accepted by all of society. We still feel the need to change superficial things about ourselves even when we find someone who overlooks our flaws and loves us just the way we are. And who's to say they're flaws? Maybe our "flaws" aren't flaws after all. Maybe the people that lack our flaws are flawed themselves because they try too hard to be something they're not.
So what is your take on the fact that when I lived in Washington we only had one set of guests? I know we only lived there for like 4 months, but no one, besides Ryan's grandparents had any plans to come see us. Now that we live in paradise, our summer is jam packed full. So if we were still in Washington, our future visits from guests would be empty. Hmmm. What's your excuse? Washington is depressing and there's nothing to do? Um, we lived in Washington. Are we not enough of an attraction to come visit? We have to live on a beautiful island to have people come visit? Ok, so I'm just venting a little and throwing out what pops in my head. Whatever. Would I visit a friend or family member if they moved to Washington? I guess it depends on who it was.
It's crazy. Sometimes I forget I live in Hawaii until I look up when I'm driving and see the beautiful green mountains. When I see the forecast says nothing but sun, I feel like I need to take advantage of it because I'll be leaving soon, when in reality, I'll be living on an island for at least another 3 years.
If you would have told me 5 years ago I would be married to Ryan, living in Hawaii, and raising a beautiful daughter, I would have laughed. I just can't believe where my life has taken me. I think I'm pretty lucky. Not everyone gets the chance to visit Hawaii. It's the closest thing on earth to heaven. Not only is it beautiful to look at, but the weather is nearly perfect.
I think I would be fine if I was a permanent stay at home mom. I know it's "good" for me to work, but do I really have to? I don't know. I'm trying to make friends here. I hate not being able to get in my car and drive to a friends house and talk about our husbands if I want to. "Oh, you have an open personality. You'll make friends easily." Well, guess what? I haven't. I am trying to start a friendly relationship with Jessica. It's funny. I move clear across the country, across the ocean, and I'm making friends with someone who is from Indiana. What does that say about me? I don't know. We're the same? We can relate to one another because we came from the same place? Either way, her friendship is welcome.
When I encounter new people, sometimes after I go home, I replay the things I said to them. I really don't want to offend people. I think sometimes when I'm joking, people might take it the wrong way.
Who am I, and how do people perceive me? Is that really important? Maybe it's only important to do what makes you happy and be who you are when you are by yourself. I think people are really actors in their own lives. Meaning, they act how others want them to. I think people act differently around different types of people. I think they do it without realizing it. How you act when you're by yourself is probably the most real you'll be.
So you know the whole reality tv shows. What makes their lives so interesting? Maybe my current day to day life isn't interesting, but the events that led up to it are pretty fun to listen to. I think it's pathetic some people are famous and make millions of dollars just because someone else thought their life was interesting enough to put on television. Am I jealous? I'm jealous they make enough money they don't have to have a car payment.
You know, it's getting late. Sorry to have talked your ear off. I kind of needed to get things off my chest. Hope you enjoyed. Feel free to ask questions.
Saturday, April 9, 2011
What do you want to know?
I'm still here, living in Hawaii with my husband, my baby girl, and my 2 furry animals. What's new? Not much is really new. Here's my average day. Abrielle wakes up around 7. I feed her and change her diaper. Then I put her on her floor toy, and she plays on that for about an hour. She then gets hungry again so of course I feed her. About this time is morning nap time. So about 9am she decides to go to sleep. Lately, her naps have varied on how long they are. Sometimes she'll take a 2-4 hour nap. Other times she'll sleep for 30 minutes to an hour. So after nap time, if it's a long one, of course she needs fed again and a diaper change. Sometime during the day I'll give her a bath. She smells so much better after a bath. I love the baby lotions I use on her. So later in the afternoon, she might take a short nap. She usually naps in her swing. I absolutely love my swing. It's amazing. At night is probably the most challenging time. She gets tired around 8ish, but she fights going to sleep. We rock her, we walk her, we try putting her in the crib, we try everything, but she fights it until the end. She finally falls to sleep around 9. She has been sleeping through the night since she was about 8 weeks old. I'd say I'm pretty lucky. The past couple of weeks she has woken up around 4 or 5 in the morning. Sometimes she'll cry a little bit then fall back to sleep. Other times I have to get up and feed her. Once I feed her and change her, I'll lie her back in her crib, and she'll fall back to sleep. I find it amazing that she'll easily go back to sleep at this time, but she fights it so much when we're trying to put her to bed. So when she's not sleeping, we spend time together. I'll sit on the couch with her and talk with her. I love seeing her smile. I'll do anything to make her smile. I can't wait to hear her laugh. I try to do tummy time with her a few times a day. She's doing so much better. She can hold her head up a lot longer, and she tolerates it longer than she did before. She actually rolls over now. The first time she rolled over she was only 2 1/2 months old. I was super proud of her. She doesn't roll over every time I put her on her belly. There have been a couple of times when she's lying on her back, and she twists her body and moves almost rolling over. I'm sure it will still be a little while before she rolls over from her back to her belly. Either way, I can't believe how time is flying. She is getting so big. I look at pictures and see the huge difference. Even though she was never really "little," she did used to be smaller. I really do try to enjoy every second with her because before I know it, she'll be a teenager talking back to me. Yikes! I am just so absolutely proud of her. I'm proud to be her mom. I love showing her off. It's amazing the things she does now that she didn't do before. I'm amazed by her every day. I'm still breast feeding. I'll probably breast feed until she's about 6 months. I'm attempting to go back to work. Since I was originally employed by a travel company and not the hospital, I have to go through the whole hiring process. It kind of sucks. I also realized I let my CPR expire. So I have to get re-certified before I get hired. That will be the longest I've been away from Abrielle. I haven't been away from her for more than a couple of hours. That's pretty bad. I only plan on going back to work part time, working 1-2 days a week. I'll work when Ryan isn't working because I don't trust strangers. I really don't want to put her in the hands of people I don't know. Going back to work will suck because I don't want to leave her, but I like being able to pay my bills. My money that I had stored up before I had her is quickly dwindling down. So I started up my workout again. I'm trying to get back in shape before I get pregnant again. I'm thinking about trying again in September of this year. I want to have my kids close in age. I want to be done having children by the time I'm 30. Also, we're moving to Guam next year in the fall or winter. I would prefer to have my next child in Hawaii. We'll see if my plans span out. I can't really think of anything else right now. I know I've talked a lot about Abrielle. That's the main thing going on in my life. So that's it.
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Parenthood
So I've been a mom for 6 weeks and 2 days. How does it feel? Amazing! I would like to say that motherhood starts when you get pregnant because you start caring for that baby from the start. I know I did. I made sure I ate a decent diet. Ok, so of course I had some cookies and some ice cream and tons of crackers, but I tried. I didn't drink. Not one sip of alcohol entered my body after I saw the positive results. So anyways, to clarify, I've been a mom for about 11 months now. Yes, I'm taking the credit for that long. Why not? Well, being a mother, like I said, feels amazing. It feels natural and like I was meant to be a mom. I know that sounds corny, but it's true. When I finally got to hold my baby girl for the first time, I felt at ease. I was completely exhausted, as well. So if there was any anxiety in me, it was downplayed from my exhaustion. I think maybe being around babies my whole life had something to do with the feeling of ease. I've changed plenty of diapers in my life before Abrielle came along so that wasn't a big deal. I've never breast fed, but I had the general idea from helping my patients breast feed their babies for the first time. It also helped that Abrielle came out ready to eat. She latched on like it was her job. Of course I've held plenty of babies in my life, as well. So I didn't feel like I was going to break her. Babies aren't as fragile as people think they are. They're tough. They can handle it. I'm not saying go and throw the kid around to see if they can tough it out. I'm just saying you don't have to act like you're going to break a baby if you move them the wrong way. So basically, growing up around babies and children and working in labor and delivery, I think, helped me ease into motherhood. I don't know how I would act if I didn't have that experience. Ryan hasn't had the experience I've had, but I think he's doing well. He's good with her. He loves her to death. We both do. I really think it's amazing how God made us because just when you think your heart is full because you love so many people so much, He makes room for more. You would think when you have that much love for others, you don't have more to give out to new people, but you do. In fact, I feel like my heart wants to burst because I love my daughter so much. It's seriously one of the best feelings ever. I want to have at least one more child, but at the same time, I don't. I love Abrielle so much, I don't want another child to take away any attention I have to give to Abrielle. I want to make sure I love any other child just as much. I don't see how that's possible. I know it is, I'm just throwing my thoughts out there. I know you love your children equally. You love them in different ways. If parents loved each child they had less than the one before, I don't think they would have more than one child. It's just I have so much love for Abrielle, how could I possibly love another child this much? I guess it's like I said before. God gave us expandable hearts.
So it's been 6 weeks and 2 days. I wouldn't say I've lost lots of sleep. Sure, the first few weeks were a little rough, and I still have some rough days now and then, but for the most part, I get plenty of sleep. She's actually been sleeping anywhere from 6-8 hours a night. Not bad at all. The first night I brought her home, I got no sleep at all. I think she was up every hour wanting to eat. I was so tired. Thankfully my mom and in-laws were still here. They watched her so I could take a morning nap. Naps are wonderful. I've been loving naps even more since I was pregnant. I was actually more exhausted while being pregnant than I am now. I'm sure it helps that I don't work. If I had to get up and go to work, I would probably be begging for sleep. We've gotten into a routine. So she'll wake up in the morning around 5 or 6. I change her diaper, and then bring her in with me. I feed her then we take a morning nap together. So then I get up around 9. We hang out. I put her on the floor on her floor toy. She entertains herself while I make myself some breakfast so I don't pass out from lack of food. Then she eventually wants to eat again so I will feed her. I usually have to change a dirty diaper once or twice before she falls back to sleep again. I'll put her in her swing, and she'll swing away for several hours before waking up again. While she's sleeping, I try to get things done around the house. I'll clean the house or do some laundry or watch my shows or whatever. She gets good sleep time in that swing. I love it! I try to do some "education time" with her every day. While she sits with me, I'll tell her where her nose and eyes are, and we'll sing our abc's or count to ten. I also have a book that's called "First Words." I'll read this book with her. The book says for 9 months and up, but I don't think there's any harm in starting now.
So when Abrielle isn't sleeping, she's eating. If she's not eating, I'm changing her diaper. Let me tell you. This child of mine poops like crazy. Seriously. I don't know how many poopy diapers I change a day. There have been times where I go through 3 diapers in one diaper change. I'll get the poopy diaper out from under her, put the clean diaper under her, then she coughs or sneezes and more poop comes out. I mean, come on. Thank goodness for oxiclean because otherwise, I would have a lot of pooped stained clothes/blankets/changing pad cover etc on my hands. I think Abrielle gets more gasy at night. After feeding her and making sure her diaper is clean, she'll cry and cry and cry. Then the poop comes. She gets so mad. We'll be changing her diaper, and she continues to cry. She's crying so hard because she's so mad that more poop comes out. We kind of have to let her sit there until we think she's done. Otherwise, we'll go through more diapers than needed in one diaper change. I bought the gas medicine for her. It seems to help sometimes. Other times I think she likes to hear herself cry. She is a little drama queen. I think we're in trouble if she's starting it already. At night, when it's close to bedtime, she takes forever to go to sleep. Her eyes will be half closed, and she refuses to go to sleep. I don't know what she thinks she'll miss out on if she goes to bed. We just want to go to bed also. She's been going to bed around 10 or 10:30. Then she'll get up around 5 or 6. Then we start all over again.
I'm also learning when Ryan and I should eat dinner. Too many times we sit down to eat, and then she wakes up and wants fed. So I either have to scarf down my food or reheat it. So I've learned to make dinner earlier. We were eating dinner around 6is. Now we eat an hour earlier so we can actually enjoy our meal hot.
So basically things are going well. Ryan is changing diapers. Of course he tries to get out of it more than he should, but he's doing his part. There's been a few times where he's gotten pooped on or majorly spit up on. I have to laugh when this happens. He was sitting on the couch one night with Abrielle in his lap. She started pooping. You can usually hear when she's pooping. Ryan waited to make sure she was done. Not sure exactly what he was doing, but at one point he felt his shirt and asked me to turn on the light. When I did, we saw a spot of poop on his shirt. I was laughing so hard. It took me a minute to get up and get Abrielle because it was so funny. Oh, poor Ryan. Welcome to fatherhood.
I love playing dress up with Abrielle. She has the cutest clothes, and she looks adorable in everything she wears. I love putting matching bows in her hair. The cuteness just beams off of her. I love it. I'm sure she's thrilled too. I can't wait until I can paint her toenails. The joy of having a girl. I told Ryan the other day that I think we're going to have all girls. He thought that was mean to say. I think it's funny. Of course I would like to have a boy, but you can't make it to be a boy. I've also become one of those parents that constantly takes pictures of their children. It will probably only get worse as she gets older because she'll start doing more cute things. When she started smiling, oh goodness, I was all over it with my camera. I make sure my camera is close at all times. I want to capture every moment. Time really does go by fast. I'm really trying to enjoy every moment of it.
I will admit I have gotten frustrated. Sometimes when she's crying, and I can't calm her down, I do get a little frustrated. I hate not knowing what's wrong. She can only cry, she can't tell me her belly hurts. So I go put her in her crib so I can take a breather. Then I go get her, and then she's fine. I don't know. It's weird. I haven't had to do that in a while. She hasn't cried non-stop like that for a while. There was a time where she wouldn't go to sleep unless someone was holding her. It's not so much like that anymore. During the day, if she's fussy, and I know it's because she's tired, I'll put her in her swing, and she goes right to sleep. At night, I get her to the point where she's basically sleeping while I'm holding her. Then I put her in her crib, and somehow she wakes up. I let her lie there, and she eventually falls to sleep. Unfortunately, when she wakes up in the middle of the night, she doesn't fall right back to sleep. She's usually awake for an hour. So I will hold her or put her in her swing. She gets to the point where she's ready to go back to sleep so I can put her back in the crib, and she'll eventually go back to dreamworld.
I'm never board with her. Just looking at her makes me smile. When she's sleeping, she makes noises. When I'm changing her diaper, (I told you I change lots of diapers) or changing her clothes, she makes grunting noises. It's like she's doing all of the work. It makes me laugh. My animals are used to her being around. Loui, my cat, never really cared too much. As long as he gets fed, he's good. He has sniffed her and her things, but that's about it. He doesn't go out of his way to see her. Niko did lots of sniffing. I was never worried how he would be. I knew he wouldn't hurt her. For a few weeks he would get real anxious when she cried. He would pace around the house. Now he's kind of used to it. Sometimes the way he looks at me it's like he's begging for me to make her stop crying. I've tried to make sure my animals get the attention they need. Like I said, Loui is fine as long as his bowl has food in it. Niko is the one who gets jealous. I know he doesn't get the attention he once got, but I try to make sure he's not completely ignored. He's still my baby.
Well, I think I've said enough. I'm loving life right now. I live in a beautiful place. I'm married to a wonderful guy. I have the most beautiful baby. What else could I ask for? God has blessed me, and I don't thank Him enough. So if you have questions, just ask. Until next time...
So it's been 6 weeks and 2 days. I wouldn't say I've lost lots of sleep. Sure, the first few weeks were a little rough, and I still have some rough days now and then, but for the most part, I get plenty of sleep. She's actually been sleeping anywhere from 6-8 hours a night. Not bad at all. The first night I brought her home, I got no sleep at all. I think she was up every hour wanting to eat. I was so tired. Thankfully my mom and in-laws were still here. They watched her so I could take a morning nap. Naps are wonderful. I've been loving naps even more since I was pregnant. I was actually more exhausted while being pregnant than I am now. I'm sure it helps that I don't work. If I had to get up and go to work, I would probably be begging for sleep. We've gotten into a routine. So she'll wake up in the morning around 5 or 6. I change her diaper, and then bring her in with me. I feed her then we take a morning nap together. So then I get up around 9. We hang out. I put her on the floor on her floor toy. She entertains herself while I make myself some breakfast so I don't pass out from lack of food. Then she eventually wants to eat again so I will feed her. I usually have to change a dirty diaper once or twice before she falls back to sleep again. I'll put her in her swing, and she'll swing away for several hours before waking up again. While she's sleeping, I try to get things done around the house. I'll clean the house or do some laundry or watch my shows or whatever. She gets good sleep time in that swing. I love it! I try to do some "education time" with her every day. While she sits with me, I'll tell her where her nose and eyes are, and we'll sing our abc's or count to ten. I also have a book that's called "First Words." I'll read this book with her. The book says for 9 months and up, but I don't think there's any harm in starting now.
So when Abrielle isn't sleeping, she's eating. If she's not eating, I'm changing her diaper. Let me tell you. This child of mine poops like crazy. Seriously. I don't know how many poopy diapers I change a day. There have been times where I go through 3 diapers in one diaper change. I'll get the poopy diaper out from under her, put the clean diaper under her, then she coughs or sneezes and more poop comes out. I mean, come on. Thank goodness for oxiclean because otherwise, I would have a lot of pooped stained clothes/blankets/changing pad cover etc on my hands. I think Abrielle gets more gasy at night. After feeding her and making sure her diaper is clean, she'll cry and cry and cry. Then the poop comes. She gets so mad. We'll be changing her diaper, and she continues to cry. She's crying so hard because she's so mad that more poop comes out. We kind of have to let her sit there until we think she's done. Otherwise, we'll go through more diapers than needed in one diaper change. I bought the gas medicine for her. It seems to help sometimes. Other times I think she likes to hear herself cry. She is a little drama queen. I think we're in trouble if she's starting it already. At night, when it's close to bedtime, she takes forever to go to sleep. Her eyes will be half closed, and she refuses to go to sleep. I don't know what she thinks she'll miss out on if she goes to bed. We just want to go to bed also. She's been going to bed around 10 or 10:30. Then she'll get up around 5 or 6. Then we start all over again.
I'm also learning when Ryan and I should eat dinner. Too many times we sit down to eat, and then she wakes up and wants fed. So I either have to scarf down my food or reheat it. So I've learned to make dinner earlier. We were eating dinner around 6is. Now we eat an hour earlier so we can actually enjoy our meal hot.
So basically things are going well. Ryan is changing diapers. Of course he tries to get out of it more than he should, but he's doing his part. There's been a few times where he's gotten pooped on or majorly spit up on. I have to laugh when this happens. He was sitting on the couch one night with Abrielle in his lap. She started pooping. You can usually hear when she's pooping. Ryan waited to make sure she was done. Not sure exactly what he was doing, but at one point he felt his shirt and asked me to turn on the light. When I did, we saw a spot of poop on his shirt. I was laughing so hard. It took me a minute to get up and get Abrielle because it was so funny. Oh, poor Ryan. Welcome to fatherhood.
I love playing dress up with Abrielle. She has the cutest clothes, and she looks adorable in everything she wears. I love putting matching bows in her hair. The cuteness just beams off of her. I love it. I'm sure she's thrilled too. I can't wait until I can paint her toenails. The joy of having a girl. I told Ryan the other day that I think we're going to have all girls. He thought that was mean to say. I think it's funny. Of course I would like to have a boy, but you can't make it to be a boy. I've also become one of those parents that constantly takes pictures of their children. It will probably only get worse as she gets older because she'll start doing more cute things. When she started smiling, oh goodness, I was all over it with my camera. I make sure my camera is close at all times. I want to capture every moment. Time really does go by fast. I'm really trying to enjoy every moment of it.
I will admit I have gotten frustrated. Sometimes when she's crying, and I can't calm her down, I do get a little frustrated. I hate not knowing what's wrong. She can only cry, she can't tell me her belly hurts. So I go put her in her crib so I can take a breather. Then I go get her, and then she's fine. I don't know. It's weird. I haven't had to do that in a while. She hasn't cried non-stop like that for a while. There was a time where she wouldn't go to sleep unless someone was holding her. It's not so much like that anymore. During the day, if she's fussy, and I know it's because she's tired, I'll put her in her swing, and she goes right to sleep. At night, I get her to the point where she's basically sleeping while I'm holding her. Then I put her in her crib, and somehow she wakes up. I let her lie there, and she eventually falls to sleep. Unfortunately, when she wakes up in the middle of the night, she doesn't fall right back to sleep. She's usually awake for an hour. So I will hold her or put her in her swing. She gets to the point where she's ready to go back to sleep so I can put her back in the crib, and she'll eventually go back to dreamworld.
I'm never board with her. Just looking at her makes me smile. When she's sleeping, she makes noises. When I'm changing her diaper, (I told you I change lots of diapers) or changing her clothes, she makes grunting noises. It's like she's doing all of the work. It makes me laugh. My animals are used to her being around. Loui, my cat, never really cared too much. As long as he gets fed, he's good. He has sniffed her and her things, but that's about it. He doesn't go out of his way to see her. Niko did lots of sniffing. I was never worried how he would be. I knew he wouldn't hurt her. For a few weeks he would get real anxious when she cried. He would pace around the house. Now he's kind of used to it. Sometimes the way he looks at me it's like he's begging for me to make her stop crying. I've tried to make sure my animals get the attention they need. Like I said, Loui is fine as long as his bowl has food in it. Niko is the one who gets jealous. I know he doesn't get the attention he once got, but I try to make sure he's not completely ignored. He's still my baby.
Well, I think I've said enough. I'm loving life right now. I live in a beautiful place. I'm married to a wonderful guy. I have the most beautiful baby. What else could I ask for? God has blessed me, and I don't thank Him enough. So if you have questions, just ask. Until next time...
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Pregnancy, Labor and Delivery, and so much more!
I've had a couple requests about the details of my labor and all that goes with it. So here it is. Hope you're ready. Grab yourself some popcorn, sit back, and relax.
So I discovered I was pregnant pretty early along. Ryan and I had discussed having children and decided to put it in the hands of God. So apparently, God decided to bless us with a baby sooner rather than later. I remember being at work the night I found out. I never expected the results I got. I was just curious to see if I was pregnant or not. I knew there was a possibility. I decided to take a pregnancy test. When I saw the second pink line appear, I couldn't believe my eyes. So I took another one. The pink line seemed to appear even fast the second time around. It was around 11pm. I knew Ryan was at home in bed, but I couldn't wait to tell him. So I called him and told him the news. Of course he didn't believe me. He still didn't believe me when I brought home the positive pregnancy test. He still didn't believe me when I bought a pregnancy test from the store and showed him the positive results. He was in shock and denial. It really didn't sink in until my first ultrasound. I was 12 weeks pregnant. I have to admit, I was pretty nervous. I didn't feel or look pregnant at all. I was beginning to think maybe I was going crazy. Maybe I believed I was pregnant so much that my brain led my body to act pregnant. My worries were set at ease when I finally saw her on the screen. Ryan FINALLY believed me when he saw her on the screen. It was so amazing. I loved the look on Ryan's face. He was in such awe. From then on, it was all about baby.
So basically I sailed through pregnancy. I didn't experience all the "normal" pregnancy symptoms. I never got morning sickness, I never really felt uncomfortable. I really actually enjoyed the entire pregnancy. I think the only "symptom" I experienced was fatigue. Daily naps were pretty much a necessity. Other than that, it was great. I was 16 weeks pregnant when I felt her move for the first time. Of course, I didn't know it was her moving. I thought it was a muscle twitching, but when it kept occurring over and over, I knew it was her. I absolutely loved feeling her move. That was the most amazing part of being pregnant. I felt such a huge bond with my baby. I was always poking my belly to try and figure out which part of my baby I was touching. She really enjoyed resting on the right side of my uterus. Her butt was always up in my ribs. If I nudged her she would nudge back. It was great. Plus, I didn't start showing until I was about 22 weeks pregnant. Funny thing, it came to a point where when I started gaining weight, it was non-stop. When I started really showing, I just bloomed. I didn't stop growing until the day she was born. I couldn't believe how big I was getting. I only wanted to gain 25 lbs. Well, I clearly gained more than that. Even though I was the biggest I've ever been in my entire life, I was still enjoying pregnancy. I may not have enjoyed hearing how huge I was from everyone, but I guess it was kind of true. I will also admit that when the end was near, I was getting anxious. Also, my feet, ankles, and hands started to swell. After I hit 40 weeks, I thought the day would never arrive. Being pregnant still wasn't an inconvenience for me, I was just ready to meet my baby girl. I had predicted earlier on that I would go a week over, have to be induced, have a 3 day induction, make it to 10 cm, push for 3 hours, then have to have a c-section. It's the curse of the nurse. I was ready for it.
So that was my pregnancy. Easy sailing for the most part. Then came the labor. I wish I could say my labor was just as easy. So January 12, at 3:15am, I got up to the restroom and felt a huge goosh of warm fluid rush down my legs. I was thinking at first that I was peeing myself. So I changed my pants and went back to bed. An hour later I got up to the restroom again and felt another huge goosh of warm fluid. At this point I knew I didn't pee myself. Instead, my water broke. I wasn't contracting regularly at the time, and they weren't painful. I decided to wake Ryan up to give him the news. I wanted to go back to sleep, but both Ryan and I had some adrenaline going. I sent out a mass text to let everyone know in Ft Wayne that my labor was starting, and I would update them later. My mom and Ryan's parents were with us and still asleep. I had decided to wait until they woke up to tell them. So everyone finally got up. They were all excited and ready to rush to the hospital. I still wasn't ready. I decided to eat some breakfast and take a shower. I then made sure my bag was packed. My contractions didn't really become more regular until around 7. They still weren't terribly painful either. I wanted to labor at home as long as possible. Eventually my contractions were anywhere from 3-5 minutes apart and getting pretty painful. Everyone in the house was just jumping to go. I was still trying to be patient and breathe through it. The clock kept rolling and contractions kept coming. I had decided around 12:30ish to go to the hospital because I didn't want to fight the traffic. The drive to the hospital was a challenge. Every bump and turn intensified the contractions.
So when I finally arrived to the hospital around 1:00pm, I was only 3cm dilated. However, my cervix was almost completely thinned out. Baby was still very high in the pelvis. My contractions were 2-3 minutes apart and very painful. When I was finally admitted to a room, the nurse suggested I get in the jacuzzi tub. This was a wonderful suggestion. I was able to relax a little. The contractions were still painful, but the jets eased them slightly. There came a time when I was contracting every 1.5-2 minutes apart. I wasn't getting much rest. You would have thought my cervix was changing drastically. However, when they checked my cervix around 5, I hadn't changed very much at all. I think at that time my cervix was maybe 4cm. For the next several hours I was in and out of the tub. I was hanging in there the best I could. Ryan was an awesome coach. I wanted to give up. He kept me strong. I kept breathing through the contractions and hoping something was happening. I will admit a few swear words slipped out every now and then. I think the next time my cervix was checked was around 8pm. At that time my cervix made it to 6cm. However, baby girl was still pretty high. So I still did my thing, breathing through the contractions and utilizing the tub as much as possible. The time came when the doctor wanted to check my progress again. It was around 11pm. I was still 6cm. Oh my gosh. I knew this was going to happen. They had also placed an IUPC which is a tube they place in the uterus to monitor the actual strength of contractions. My contractions weren't strong enough to change my cervix. The doctor wanted to start pitocin and said the tub was no longer an option. After contracting for 16 hours without much rest in between each one, I had decided to get an epidural. I was devastated. I wanted nothing more than to make it through without an epidural. The idea that my contractions were going to get even stronger and more painful once the pitocin was started seemed impossible to handle. I was so exhausted and couldn't imagine my contractions getting any worse. Plus, I had this feeling in the back of my head that I wasn't going to progress much with the pitocin.
So yes, I gave in and got the epidural. I took a nap after the pain was completely gone. After resting for a few hours, they rechecked my cervix. I believe I dilated to 7cm. The doctor said he was going to give it a few more hours because my contractions still weren't strong enough to make a big enough difference in my cervix. At least I was pain free at this point. I was so pain free I couldn't move my legs. At one point Ryan was poking my foot, and I couldn't even feel it. So I rested some more. A few hours later the doctor came back. I knew my cervix was going to be the same, and to my families surprise, not mine, I was the same. He then told me a c-section was going to need to be done. It was around 6am on 1-13-11. I had been in labor for over 24 hours. I had come to terms with a c-section about 6 hours before they told me it was going to happen.
So finally around 9am, they were ready to take me back. Lying on the operating table was weird. I was used to being the nurse and seeing it from the other view. Now I was actually the patient. When everything started, I knew what they were doing. I could visualize it all. They brought Ryan in to sit beside me. I think he was way more nervous than I was. Actually, I was just ready to be done. Finally at 9:43am my baby girl was born. She came out crying. I couldn't wait to hold her in my arms. It was the best feeling ever to know she was in the world, and she was healthy and happy. She weighed 8lbs 14.6oz and was 19 1/2 inches long. My baby girl was a big baby. I can't believe I was carrying around such a large baby. Amazing.
Things are so different now. I live for a whole new person now. She's the most amazing thing I've ever done. I love her to death. Abrielle Christine Edwards is my baby.
So basically, I made it through. It was long, it was hard, but it was so worth it. I hope everyone enjoyed my long blog. Any questions, just let me know.
So I discovered I was pregnant pretty early along. Ryan and I had discussed having children and decided to put it in the hands of God. So apparently, God decided to bless us with a baby sooner rather than later. I remember being at work the night I found out. I never expected the results I got. I was just curious to see if I was pregnant or not. I knew there was a possibility. I decided to take a pregnancy test. When I saw the second pink line appear, I couldn't believe my eyes. So I took another one. The pink line seemed to appear even fast the second time around. It was around 11pm. I knew Ryan was at home in bed, but I couldn't wait to tell him. So I called him and told him the news. Of course he didn't believe me. He still didn't believe me when I brought home the positive pregnancy test. He still didn't believe me when I bought a pregnancy test from the store and showed him the positive results. He was in shock and denial. It really didn't sink in until my first ultrasound. I was 12 weeks pregnant. I have to admit, I was pretty nervous. I didn't feel or look pregnant at all. I was beginning to think maybe I was going crazy. Maybe I believed I was pregnant so much that my brain led my body to act pregnant. My worries were set at ease when I finally saw her on the screen. Ryan FINALLY believed me when he saw her on the screen. It was so amazing. I loved the look on Ryan's face. He was in such awe. From then on, it was all about baby.
So basically I sailed through pregnancy. I didn't experience all the "normal" pregnancy symptoms. I never got morning sickness, I never really felt uncomfortable. I really actually enjoyed the entire pregnancy. I think the only "symptom" I experienced was fatigue. Daily naps were pretty much a necessity. Other than that, it was great. I was 16 weeks pregnant when I felt her move for the first time. Of course, I didn't know it was her moving. I thought it was a muscle twitching, but when it kept occurring over and over, I knew it was her. I absolutely loved feeling her move. That was the most amazing part of being pregnant. I felt such a huge bond with my baby. I was always poking my belly to try and figure out which part of my baby I was touching. She really enjoyed resting on the right side of my uterus. Her butt was always up in my ribs. If I nudged her she would nudge back. It was great. Plus, I didn't start showing until I was about 22 weeks pregnant. Funny thing, it came to a point where when I started gaining weight, it was non-stop. When I started really showing, I just bloomed. I didn't stop growing until the day she was born. I couldn't believe how big I was getting. I only wanted to gain 25 lbs. Well, I clearly gained more than that. Even though I was the biggest I've ever been in my entire life, I was still enjoying pregnancy. I may not have enjoyed hearing how huge I was from everyone, but I guess it was kind of true. I will also admit that when the end was near, I was getting anxious. Also, my feet, ankles, and hands started to swell. After I hit 40 weeks, I thought the day would never arrive. Being pregnant still wasn't an inconvenience for me, I was just ready to meet my baby girl. I had predicted earlier on that I would go a week over, have to be induced, have a 3 day induction, make it to 10 cm, push for 3 hours, then have to have a c-section. It's the curse of the nurse. I was ready for it.
So that was my pregnancy. Easy sailing for the most part. Then came the labor. I wish I could say my labor was just as easy. So January 12, at 3:15am, I got up to the restroom and felt a huge goosh of warm fluid rush down my legs. I was thinking at first that I was peeing myself. So I changed my pants and went back to bed. An hour later I got up to the restroom again and felt another huge goosh of warm fluid. At this point I knew I didn't pee myself. Instead, my water broke. I wasn't contracting regularly at the time, and they weren't painful. I decided to wake Ryan up to give him the news. I wanted to go back to sleep, but both Ryan and I had some adrenaline going. I sent out a mass text to let everyone know in Ft Wayne that my labor was starting, and I would update them later. My mom and Ryan's parents were with us and still asleep. I had decided to wait until they woke up to tell them. So everyone finally got up. They were all excited and ready to rush to the hospital. I still wasn't ready. I decided to eat some breakfast and take a shower. I then made sure my bag was packed. My contractions didn't really become more regular until around 7. They still weren't terribly painful either. I wanted to labor at home as long as possible. Eventually my contractions were anywhere from 3-5 minutes apart and getting pretty painful. Everyone in the house was just jumping to go. I was still trying to be patient and breathe through it. The clock kept rolling and contractions kept coming. I had decided around 12:30ish to go to the hospital because I didn't want to fight the traffic. The drive to the hospital was a challenge. Every bump and turn intensified the contractions.
So when I finally arrived to the hospital around 1:00pm, I was only 3cm dilated. However, my cervix was almost completely thinned out. Baby was still very high in the pelvis. My contractions were 2-3 minutes apart and very painful. When I was finally admitted to a room, the nurse suggested I get in the jacuzzi tub. This was a wonderful suggestion. I was able to relax a little. The contractions were still painful, but the jets eased them slightly. There came a time when I was contracting every 1.5-2 minutes apart. I wasn't getting much rest. You would have thought my cervix was changing drastically. However, when they checked my cervix around 5, I hadn't changed very much at all. I think at that time my cervix was maybe 4cm. For the next several hours I was in and out of the tub. I was hanging in there the best I could. Ryan was an awesome coach. I wanted to give up. He kept me strong. I kept breathing through the contractions and hoping something was happening. I will admit a few swear words slipped out every now and then. I think the next time my cervix was checked was around 8pm. At that time my cervix made it to 6cm. However, baby girl was still pretty high. So I still did my thing, breathing through the contractions and utilizing the tub as much as possible. The time came when the doctor wanted to check my progress again. It was around 11pm. I was still 6cm. Oh my gosh. I knew this was going to happen. They had also placed an IUPC which is a tube they place in the uterus to monitor the actual strength of contractions. My contractions weren't strong enough to change my cervix. The doctor wanted to start pitocin and said the tub was no longer an option. After contracting for 16 hours without much rest in between each one, I had decided to get an epidural. I was devastated. I wanted nothing more than to make it through without an epidural. The idea that my contractions were going to get even stronger and more painful once the pitocin was started seemed impossible to handle. I was so exhausted and couldn't imagine my contractions getting any worse. Plus, I had this feeling in the back of my head that I wasn't going to progress much with the pitocin.
So yes, I gave in and got the epidural. I took a nap after the pain was completely gone. After resting for a few hours, they rechecked my cervix. I believe I dilated to 7cm. The doctor said he was going to give it a few more hours because my contractions still weren't strong enough to make a big enough difference in my cervix. At least I was pain free at this point. I was so pain free I couldn't move my legs. At one point Ryan was poking my foot, and I couldn't even feel it. So I rested some more. A few hours later the doctor came back. I knew my cervix was going to be the same, and to my families surprise, not mine, I was the same. He then told me a c-section was going to need to be done. It was around 6am on 1-13-11. I had been in labor for over 24 hours. I had come to terms with a c-section about 6 hours before they told me it was going to happen.
So finally around 9am, they were ready to take me back. Lying on the operating table was weird. I was used to being the nurse and seeing it from the other view. Now I was actually the patient. When everything started, I knew what they were doing. I could visualize it all. They brought Ryan in to sit beside me. I think he was way more nervous than I was. Actually, I was just ready to be done. Finally at 9:43am my baby girl was born. She came out crying. I couldn't wait to hold her in my arms. It was the best feeling ever to know she was in the world, and she was healthy and happy. She weighed 8lbs 14.6oz and was 19 1/2 inches long. My baby girl was a big baby. I can't believe I was carrying around such a large baby. Amazing.
Things are so different now. I live for a whole new person now. She's the most amazing thing I've ever done. I love her to death. Abrielle Christine Edwards is my baby.
So basically, I made it through. It was long, it was hard, but it was so worth it. I hope everyone enjoyed my long blog. Any questions, just let me know.
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
4 months later...
It has been 4 months since I last posted. This was brought to my attention by Angie. It was always in the back of my mind that I needed to update my blog, but since we've moved to Hawaii, I've been busy, busy, busy. I finally have some time to get everyone up to speed. So the end of August we went home for 2 weeks to visit friends and family. The visit seemed very short. We were on the go constantly. I think I got to see everyone. I wanted to make sure that I didn't miss anyone. We had a wonderful baby shower/cookout while we were home. The turnout was amazing. Everyone we love was there. It really made us feel good. We were very appreciative of everyone who came and all the gifts that were purchased to help us prepare things for our baby. So the trip home was short and busy but well worth it. So we've been in Hawaii since September 2. I'm pretty sure I was on the go and doing things nonstop for at least the first 2-3 months of us being in Hawaii. We got here and we had to look for a place to live. Both Ryan and I had to get our vehicles and get things squared away with out jobs. I got to Hawaii September 2 and started work September 7. I didn't even have the chance to adjust to the move before starting work. So we chose a place to live within the first week of being here because we were tired of being homeless. I mean, we had been living out of a suitcase for 2 weeks or so by the time we signed our lease. It was definitely frustrating. We were excited when we moved in and even more excited when our things arrived. So basically it took a while to get into a rhythm of things. So after we put the furniture where we wanted it, and Ryan figured out where he needed to be for work every day, and I figured out where my job was, then we had other things to tackle. The nursery was next on my list. Ryan didn't understand why I wanted to get the nursery done when baby wasn't going to arrive for another few months. I tried to explain to him that I didn't want to wait until the last minute to do the laundry because at that time I would be tired and too big to be able to do anything. The biggest challenge with the nursery was finding a crib. No one delivers to Hawaii. It was so frustrating, but we finally found one at Babys-r-us. Ryan was a proud daddy and painted the nursery, put the crib and changing table together, put our glider together. He did so much. I didn't even have to ask him to do any of it. I was so proud of him. I did some of the painting. I got to do the fun stuff. I decorated. I cleaned her tiny little clothes and beautiful bedding. I found a place for everything. So the nursery is finished. We just need to fill it with a baby. So I'm still working as a labor and delivery nurse. My last day is December 25. Then I'll be waiting. Waiting for the day I go into labor. Right now Ryan is on leave until he checks into his boat. He doesn't have to check in until December 16. So he's been enjoying his time off. Lately the fatigue and exhaustion has come back. I am all up for a daily nap. After work the only thing I want to do is take a nap. I can't wait until I get a little more energy back. A couple weeks ago, we finally got Niko and Loui. That was another added stress. I was completely freaking out. I wanted them to arrive safe and sound. After Pooky died, my anxiety of flying my other animals increased. I was so devastated when he died. I felt like it was all my fault. I should have done things differently. I should have just let Ryan smuggle him into Hawaii. Nothing I can do about it now. I did write a letter to UPS letting them know my complete dissatisfaction with the way they handled my pet. I never got a response. Maybe it wasn't a big deal to them. Well, anyways, things are going well right now. Ryan and I just celebrated our 1 year anniversary. It doesn't feel like it's been a year. Things have gone so quickly that it feels like only a few months. Living in Hawaii is definitely different. It's December and the thermostat says it's going to be a high of 80 degrees. That's so weird to me. Back home, they've had a few inches of snow and it's in the 20's. Ick. I love that I can go to the beach any time I want. The community where we live has it's own private beach. It's just a short walk away. So crazy. However, although I live somewhere beautiful, it still doesn't change the fact that I miss my family and friends so much. The hardest time for me came when my niece was born. That was so hard not being there. I was there for Logan but not for Addison. If I wasn't pregnant, I would have been there. We're lucky for technology. I have been able to skype with my family. It's not as good as seeing them in person, but it will have to do until I can go home again. So at this point, I don't know if there's anything else I need to report. Ryan and I are doing well. We are continuing to learn how to have a happy marriage. Marriage is work. I'm glad I know this otherwise we would be in divorce court. I think people give up too easily on each other. I'm going to stick this out. Even though we didn't have family or friends there to witness our marriage, God was there. We made a promise in front of God. I don't intend on going back on that promise. So that's it. Any questions, fill free to ask. We miss everyone.
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
One step closer
Yesterday was a sad and happy day for me. We sent my car on it's way to Hawaii. So it was sad because I'm going to miss it, and it was happy because that means we're just that much closer to leaving Washington. So here's the scoop. The other day Ryan asked the Navy where they would fly us to Hawaii from. They said they will fly us from Seattle on September 2. So what that means is Ryan is still attached to the Los Angeles boat until September 2. He was originally told August 20 would be his last day. So how does this change things? Well, now Ryan has to request leave for the time we want to come home. He requested it for August 20 through September 1. I really hope he gets the whole time because I really don't want to have a short trip home. Also, I don't want to come home by myself again. Ryan had a really hard time when I went home in May. He was jealous and lonely. So I'm praying his leave gets approved. So since we're still waiting, we can't buy our plane tickets home yet. This worries me because the longer we wait, the more expensive they get. I think that's really annoying because you could be sitting next to someone who paid $100-200 less than you did because they bought their tickets at a reasonable time. So basically, if Ryan's leave doesn't get approved, I don't know what will happen. I still have to come home because my animals can't come with me to Hawaii right away. Also, our things are being picked up August 18 to be shipped to Hawaii, and our final inspection for our current residence is August 20. So basically, if we don't get to come home August 20, we won't have a place to live. We would have to stay in the lodge and spend money that we don't have. So please, please, please Navy people, please approve his leave. So that's what we're dealing with now. Ryan is super stressed out with the whole process. He's not used to all this. Usually if he changes ports, they arrange to pick up his things and give him his plane ticket. Not too much of a hassle, but this time around we're trying to come home. So that is the huge bump in the road, but it's a bump I'm not willing to remove. I don't think he is either. I think he's homesick whether he wants to admit to it or not. I wish there was more I could do. It would help relieve his stress. Unfortunately, for most of it, I have to sit back and wait for Ryan to give me answers. So what is done and out of the way is: Our things are scheduled to be picked up. Our final inspection is scheduled. I put in my notice at work. I've been talking with travel companies about a labor and delivery job in Hawaii. My Hawaii RN license should be finalized in a week. I have the rabies titer test sent in for the animals. I think that's about it. So what still needs to happen is: Our things actually need to be packaged and shipped. I need to clean our apartment t pass the final inspection. We need to buy plane tickets to come home. I need the travel company to say, yes you have a job. It's a little stressful. I think by October, things will be running a little smoother. So if our things get picked up on August 18 then they won't arrive in Hawaii until September 23. So once we do find a place in Hawaii we want to call all our own, we won't have our things for a few weeks. So I'm planning on keeping our air mattress, a couple blankets, and a couple bath towels. So hopefully we can get by until our things arrive. We've gone from eating out to home cooked food and soon we'll go back to eating out until we can have home cooked meals again. I just can't believe this is my life right now. I never would have imagined this is where I would be or where I would be going. What a crazy ride! Well, in other news, Ryan and I have talked and I plan on taking my house off the market the 1st of September. My plan is to refinance my home so I can have a lower interest rate and find a renter. I have come to terms with the way the market is right now. I don't think it will change any time soon. Maybe in a year or so things will start picking up and it will change from a buyers market to a sellers market. So hopefully when I find a renter, they will be decent people and not trash my house. That is my biggest fear. I'm afraid whoever wants to rent my house won't care about taking care of it and will tear it to shreds. Then I would have to kick them out and spend more money and time into making it pretty again. I'm hoping they will keep it nice. Then over the next year or so I can gradually change things in the house that future buyers will complain about because current buyers are complaining about it now. The windows in my house are pretty old. Also, the sliding glass door has a broken seal, and the glass needs replaced. So these are things I can slowly take time to replace. I know in the end, when everything is said and done, and my house eventually sells, I will be losing a boatload of money. This is something I have also come to terms with. I supposed if I was oblivious and in denial, I would be more stressed out. I have to face the facts and change things accordingly. Ok, so, some good news is I am 17 weeks and 3 days pregnant. I'm in my second trimester. I never had any morning sickness. I would say I'm pretty lucky. This pregnancy is going pretty smoothly so far. I just started showing maybe a week or so ago. Just a small little pop belly. I know it's only bound to get bigger and bigger. My next doctors appointment is August 12. I'm not sure if they'll do an ultrasound. I really hope they do because it would be great if we could find out the sex of the baby. I really want to know. Then I can buy baby things that aren't all neutral. If they don't do one, then I guess we can wait. I will just have to be patient. I haven't felt the baby move yet. Hopefully, by next week I'll feel something. That will be weird and exciting. Ryan is always feeling my belly hoping he'll feel something. It will be a while yet until he will be able to feel anything. So, that's it for now. I'm keeping my fingers crossed we still get to come home on August 20. Miss everyone.
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